My Mom Loves Meghan Trainor’s NO song

Heading out to my doctor’s appointment the other day and my mom was my co pilot. I haven’t seen much of her lately, it’s sad but true, I’ve been neglecting quality time with her and I miss it terribly. Although she does get on my nerves as all wonderful mothers do 😉 yesterday was like any other day with her. Except we were having a disagreement over the freaking radio of all things.

When I go to the doctor, especially the gynecologist I need to destress and make sure my blood pressure is under control. I don’t know why but it goes higher when I get there. I love my doctor he is really great, I think it’s just being there kinda thing, I mean think about it no one really likes going to the gyno. Right? lol.

As we’re mosying along listening to the radio, catching up with each other over our cups of coffee, I’m channel surfing on the radio. I hate every song that’s playing, it’s irritating the fuck out of me, if it’s not some old school rap or Whitney Houston song that’s blasting, it’s some funky country tune and it’s all like nails on a chalkboard to me.

Then pops Meghan Trainor’s “NO” song and I give it a second or two and hit the search function. Not realizing Mom is singing along to Meghan! WTF

My name is no
My sign is no
My number is no

Yes she’s singing along and all of a sudden I snap out of my trance and glance at her and start laughing.

“Seriously, Mom are you singing along, and you know the lyrics?”
“Yes, it’s a catchy song. I hear it all the time on WBLI, and well it reminds me of my younger days when I was single and would go out to the Hampton’s and party with my friends”
“Really, how so?”
“Well it’s a meat market out there, as it is almost any club or bar you’d go to. But like the song says…

Thank you, I don’t wanna dance
If I want a man, then I’ll get a man
(Paraphrasing because these aren’t the exact lyrics)

“Today’s day and age isn’t any different from it was back in the 70’s, people are the same the years have just changed. But this song is a good one, she’s got a good point. Priorities, and knowing what you want and going after it. It’s a catchy tune”

As she finishes her sentence the song which had mellowed out in the background automatically seemed to get louder…

My name is no
My sign is no
My number is no
No
No
No

She was singing along again and trails off.

“Oh boy it even reminds me of your father. At the time, I was dating a Nuclear Physicist, and working at the Adult/Nursing Home. There was a Christmas party and I had been told by the ladies in food services that he really liked me. I had absolutely no interest in him and told him to leave me alone. At the Christmas party I brought the guy I was dating and your father had the balls to come up to me and ask me to dance. The nerve of him.”

“Apparently you said yes, Mom.”

“Like the song says…NO. I told him I was with someone and I couldn’t dance with him. He wasn’t too happy, and that led to him pursuing me.”

“And here we are 41 years later…”

My Name is no
My sign is no
My number is no

Perfect timing and the song kicks in again, we both laugh and giggle and I tell her about one of the other songs Meghan Trainor wrote and how I blogged about it.

“Oh God are you gonna blog about me now, would you really do that to your, Mother? Talking about how love is blind and all that jazz. How I went for the Hippy with the long hair and ripped jeans, and left the Nuclear Physisist? Well one wonderful thing happened from it all, and I wouldn’t change it. If I had the chance to do it all over again I would. I got you from it so that’s like hitting the jackpot” She says with a smile and a glimmer in her eyes.

Yes Mom I will, and I did, because I love you. You have shown me year after year and day after day that no matter what is happening in our lives, a little musical interlude always does the soul good. Even if it’s some catchy tune by Meghan Trainor. Especially if her music can spark a memory of yours and we can share in that memory.

Thanks Meghan Trainor. I never thought I’d say those words before.

#AtoZChallenge V is for Good Vibes

I’m sure you’ve undoubtedly heard the above saying during your lifetime, but how often do you really take notice of what it’s saying?

The vibe you possess and give off to the universe is the vibe you get in return. Like Karma returning to you as you send it out to the world with your actions, words, and good or bad doings. All things come back around.

So if at the end of the day you feel that your tribe is lacking sorely, then you should take inventory of your vibe that you’re putting out to the world. If your portraying negative vibes, you’re going to attract just that. However when meeting new people I immediately get a sense of them, their vibe no doubt. I often try not to overthink about this particular fact, but let’s be honest, first impressions especially a sneaky, conniving, despicable vibe is not one to just look over.

Those first instincts, gut instincts we get about people are 99% of the time spot on truth. So if your sensing negative vibes from those around you, and you don’t want to be surrounded by negativity ( I mean really who want’s that nastiness in their circle) then move on. It will do you so much good to keep moving on and away from the negative nellies.

And at the end of the day a little old school Marky Mark Good Vibrations always does some good. At least I think so 😉

#AtoZChallenge P is for Persnickety Politics

I’ve often kept my true feelings about taboo subjects to myself, because my Mom taught me to never have those conversations. Never discuss religion, politics, or abortion. Other people may not have the same outlook on those subjects as you do, and only bad things can come of their discussion, and as we’ve gotten older there is more emphasis on being politically correct.

I tend to think otherwise, especially with light of the Presidential election looming not too far in the near future. Sure bad things may come of opening a can of worms and discussing politics among our friends, but to stifle my own point of view in hopes to keep the peace, does no one, including myself any justice. I matter, my opinion matters, and even the opinion of those I don’t agree with, matter. I don’t have to agree with you, nor you me, but I welcome valid, well informed, intelligent opinions that don’t resort to  “You don’t know what your little liberal ass is talking about” remark. When you bring the level of conversation down, it leaves me no choice but to think less of you, less of your opinion, because you don’t have a valid ground to stand on.

So when I scroll through my Facebook news feed and see simple minded “Trump is Awesome” meme’s or “Hillary is a Whore” it makes me wonder why do you think he is all that awesome? Or why you would resort to insulting her as a woman (which let’s be clear is disgusting to stoop that low) and not her political stance. Why strike below the belt with insults? Insults and mud slinging of personal attacks make you sound like a child on a playground who isn’t getting their way and has nothing else left to say.Actually that’s insulting to a child, who hopefully will be brought up to not resort to those low blows.

Trump’s opinions and his way of expressing them, make him look foolish, and those who follow along blindly with his antics make me wonder why they agree with his ideologies. He’s nothing like what I would hope my next President would embody. His views on women or immigration, just to name a few, as well as his demeanor and attitude are in my opinion less than stellar. In fact they are so far fetched, I truly wonder why anyone could agree with him on so many of these topics. People in the media have called him politically incorrect, his views represent that of which put down those who don’t abide his standards. I ask, what makes him, or anyone else for that matter, a better person than the next?

I ask you, those who are endorsing him, to please enlighten me as to WHY he is all that and a bag of chips. I guess for all intents and purposes I am a Liberal in the eyes of many. Although a registered Conservative since I’m 18, and I always vote up and down party lines. I am open to differing views, and  I am accepting of  all people regardless of their ideologies, sexual preferences, income status, races, and even political affiliation. Yes that’s including people I don’t necessarily agree with, because if at the end of the day if I don’t accept you for your differing opinion, how can I expect you to also accept me? Granted there are plenty of people who do not hold my same convictions and are judgy mcjudgersons to the 10th degree.

But that is what makes this society what it is. Because it takes ALL kinds of people to make up this world and we don’t all always have to agree with one another, but let’s also not bash each other for our view points. If we don’t agree with one another, there is no reason to resort to antics, stand your ground, hold true your convictions and values, but remember at the end of the day, not everyone will or has to agree with you, and that’s ok!

Relationships come and go. Don’t lose sight of your tribe

I’m guilty of it. I admit it. I started a relationship with a fantastic guy, and got swept up in the moment. Ok the moment is just shy of a year, but I am definitely swept up in our relationship. Nothing wrong with that.

Except, I did lose sight of my tribe. My girls, my friends, both near and far.

Not on purpose mind you. Let me emphasize that. Not on purpose! I feel the need to clarify that, why? I don’t know, but I feel I need to.

When you are involved in a new relationship, you tend to spend the majority of your time with one another. Getting to know each other, learning about one another, and creating your relationship. This relationship is no exception. Except the fact that it is much different than any other I’ve been in. We see each other daily(past relationships this hasn’t been the case) he has two children that he sees quite often, (I’ve never dated someone with children before) and we are working on the best mesh for all of us, he lives only 15 minutes away from me (I’ve never dated anyone this close before, except when I was a teenager) So it’s all a little new. And what do you do when something is new? You do all you can to learn how it works for and with you. You invest time, lots of time. You should!

I’ve been investing my time in our relationship. We both are. We have also tried very hard to incorporate our relationship within our friendships. It doesn’t always work, but we try. And trying sometimes is all you can do. Some friendships are near, some are far, road-trip far, but they are all dear and close in heart. Phone calls and text messages should keep you in contact with each other, but even in today’s society of instant access at the tip of your fingers, there still can be some disconnect.

I have always felt that a long time can pass without contact, as long as the bond is as strong as you think it is. Therefore time and distance should not interfere with that friendship.

Sometimes, when I’m depressed I withdraw from friendships, I am independent and I don’t like to rely on others, and that is to my own self detriment sometimes. It’s not healthy, but I’m aware of it.

I’m also ok with not hearing from friends for weeks or even months on end. I think I’m introverted in that respect, I don’t find it insulting or as a disrespect to the friendship. I just see it as LIFE. We all have things that take up our time. Work, family, sicknesses, happy times, just life in general. Trying to find the time to squeeze it all in is sometimes hard. But with my friendships, I expect that they should feel the same way as I feel. If we don’t hear from each other every day, be ok with it. Be confident in the fact that you are always in my heart and on my mind, even if I don’t reach out every single day. Trying to navigate this thing we call life can be hard some times, especially when we are trying to find our way in the world.

Just be aware of the fact that You are my tribe. You will always be my tribe. My Sister from another Mister, my chosen family, My unbiological sister, my BFFEAADADYFIEver. We may not speak to each other every day, or even once a month as of late, but know in your heart it’s not on purpose. I’m not avoiding you. I’m just trying to find my way in this world and with everything that is going on in my life, brand spanking new relationship included 😉 , sometimes I lose sight of my tribe. But you’re always there with me, as I am for you.

Never forget me as I never will forget you!

The common denominator is you.

Here I sit, patiently reviewing my Facebook stats. Confusion sets in, but at least I have a home made gluten free blueberry muffin and an “I ❤ You a Latte” cappuccino. It’s the latte flavor, but with extra EXTRA cappuccino foam, no whip cream. Just the way I like it. And look at that awesome latte artwork from one of my favorite baristas! It’s perfect on this chilly Thursday morning as I’m peering through the heart window clings gracing and inviting in the next holiday.

Valentine’s Day.

Ah, a year later and look where we are. Last year this time I was single, happy in many ways, filled with love, even if I was single.  I still feel the same way, about oversharing some aspects of ones relationship. When you only see happy comments about the love of someones life, or even the constant sharing of how horrible it is to be single, how all men are alike, that men read from the same instruction manual, that you constantly have the same outcome when it comes to your dating life, even if you seek relationships with different guys.

“Oh he’s not like the other guys”

Then weeks later after you’ve hooked up….

“I haven’t heard from him in days, I send text messages and he doesn’t reply, he’s busy with work, his dog, his kids, his mother. I don’t know what I did. I thought this one was different”

News flash, he just might have been different. The common denominator = YOU.

You’re still the same person with this guy as you were with the last. And the guy before him, and the one before that other guy, and the other one.

Get it yet.

Until you start changing your relationship patterns, you will continue to get the same results.

The same sentiment holds true for anything you are doing. If you constantly do the same things over and over again, you will constantly get the same results over and over again.

A vicious cycle, no?

Why is it that as women, the fall to comment is…Why are all men exactly the same?

Sure some of them are only looking for one thing, some women also are this way. But sometimes, it’s not him, it’s you. Ask yourself these questions, and really think about the answers you give yourself.

• Are you comfortable in your own skin?
• Are you seeking validation from someone?
• Do you have your shit together?
• Are you confident in yourself and what you have to offer a partner?
• Do you feel worthy of a healthy relationship?
• Do you think sex will keep him, or make him want you more?

Now think long and hard about your answers. If you need validation from someone else that you are worthy of a healthy, happy relationship, you need to go back to the drawing board and work on yourself respect, and your self confidence. Using another person, yes this is using them, to fill that void you can’t seem to do on your own, does no one any good. Except in the heat of the moment, because you think that having sex with them will keep them around. Sure, it might keep them for a while, until someone else who is exactly like you, but might be skinnier, longer hair, taller, blah blah blah walks past their wandering eye and they move on to the next girl that might have your same mindset.

Don’t do that to yourself!! Don’t let your insecurities push you into doing something that you just might regret later on.

We all want love, companionship, sex with someone we feel we connect with on a deeper level. Some people want the one time deals, or friends with benefits, and that’s fine if that’s what works for you BOTH. But please for the Love of everything gluten free, don’t blame it all on everyone else, when you have got to know deep down inside that there is something that you’re doing to sabotage your own happiness.

Maybe you’re not ready for a relationship, maybe you’re just like all the rest of them, and you’re reading from the same manual. Flip the switch and all that you see men doing to you, you just might be doing to yourself. Sometimes we need to remove ourselves from a situation to see the broader picture. Being so focused on one particular speck of dirt, that you miss the whole pile.

There is a clear distinction between needing and wanting. If you NEED someone to complete you, to make you feel worthy, to make you feel wanted, you really NEED to work on yourself first, so that what you WANT isn’t what you NEED. You WANT a companion, you don’t NEED one. You need water to survive, you want coffee to feel good.

Never place your value, or your fulfillment upon someone else’s presence in your life.

What happens when they leave, or when they die perhaps, if your relationship eventually gets to the point of more than a casual thing. What happens then. Do you die as well because your existence is purely based upon them. You need to be whole, to survive when alone, to be able to go on in the face of adversity and the here after.

Want love and companionship for all the right reasons, because you’re worth it!

So when you think of Valentine’s Day, and you’re either in a relationship, or not, have love for the day and what it signifies. Have love for yourself first and foremost. Because self love, self respect, self acceptance, and self worth, are far more precious and valuable than all the chocolate candy filled hearts, bouquets of flowers, and jewels anyone can give you on February, 14th. Because if you don’t have those rare items the other 364/5 days of the year, you don’t have much.

So attached or not, go get yourself some of that stuff. NOW.

 

 

 

 

 

Be her, on your own.

I am far from a relationship expert, but I have quite a few years and experiences behind me to know a few things. To learn from the past and have that ah ha moment hit you over the head when you see something happening with your own relationships, and with those relationships around you. Not to the point where you pass judgement, but to the point where if you are asked questions, opinions, or advice you can give it because you’ve been there.

I see to many women, myself included at one point or another, who for whatever reasons self esteem or unworthiness included, they put too much value in what others think of them. Don’t ever base your self worth upon someone else’s ideology of you. Embrace your badassness, curves, hair, the crook of your lip, or tilt of your nose. You are who you are and no one should make you want change yourself.

You should only want to make changes because YOU do, not to appease someone else. Not because someone thinks it will be better for you. Or because someone assumes your weight, height, or color of your hair determines the person you are. All those things are superficial.

All too often I see women who fall into the trap of feeling the need to conform to the pressure of change. Sure a healthy lifestyle is optimal. Be healthy, happy, comfortable, and confident as the woman you are. Don’t let a man dictate how you should look or how you should view yourself. Never base your self worth on the worthiness others might place on you. I will also add, as a woman, if you don’t want to be criticized, ridiculed, or picked apart like a piece of meat, don’t do it to men either. It’s a two way street. Don’t try to change him and he shouldn’t try to change you. If you prefer a particular look or feel in a partner, then seek that kind of partner, but first…

Be that kind of partner.

If you want a like minded partner, you first must be at that stage in your life. If you want a man that has his shit together, then be a woman who has her shit together. If you want a man that is your equal, then be his equal. If you want a man who is healthy, happy, comfortable in his body, and appearance…then you need to be accepting of yourself as well.

“I don’t want a partner to complete me, I want a partner to complement me. One who enhances the best of me, and I of them!”

I have over the years heard things like:

“I want a guy that I can hang out with, one who is exciting and likes to go places like on an adventure”

I would like to ask…are you a woman who does that stuff on your own already and are looking for a guy to join you? Or are you a woman who wants this to happen but the only way it will is if you have someone encourage you or push you to do it?

If your answer is the latter, then my dear you need to work on yourself. Don’t wait for someone to come into your life to do it for you.

If you want to go on adventures, if you want to go on a road trip, or dancing in the city. GO AND DO IT! Be that woman on your own! You can do it. You have it in you. You just need to get off your ass and find a way to light your own spark.

Nothing wrong with doing new things with your partner by any means. You might find some fun activity you never knew before. But for heavens sake, if you have dreams of doing something, something you think your passionate about…

Don’t wait for Mr. Right to help you achieve it. Work towards it yourself. The old saying, confidence is key, really is a gem. Because confident women, really are bad ass women who respect themselves, and go after what they want. They are comfortable in their own skin, they strive to be the best self possible.

This may seem like a random post starting off about relationship dynamics to self respect and self esteem, but in reality they are intricately linked together. For if you are not projecting your best self, you can not attract the best in others. If you need a partner to make you the person you think you should be, you need to reevaluate your life’s path. Work on your best self, whatever you want her to be. If you want her to be an adventurer, a self confident woman in her own skin, an entertainer, a risk taker, a lover, a well rounded happy, healthy, woman. Then do what you need to do to get her to her prime position. There’s nothing wrong with enhancing who you are by the people you surround yourself with and who you have relationships with, but don’t rely on them to make you the person you want to be.

Be her, on your own.

 

 

 

 

 

Contentment

I love watching you sleep
thinking the things that you might think
swirling around in your mind countless times

The crook of your lip arching slightly upward
the wrinkles around your nose paint a picture of peace
the lines framing your eyes like soft brush strokes of a masterpiece

I find joy and peace within your presence
as the moonlight cascades across your frame, you remain in quiet slumber
I dare not to wake you but I can’t resist the temptation you present

Warmth from you radiates across the cool bed sheets
Longing to wrap myself within your embrace, I gently slip into your waiting arms
nuzzled up against your chest, your grasp tightens with a gentleness only you possess.

I’m doing great, thank you!

So what do you do when you accidentally click on that Facebook message you never expected to get?

You’re just sitting there working on your blog post on your laptop and your phone gets a Facebook messenger notice that your girlfriend wrote to you. You haven’t spoken in a while so you’re excited to see what she’s got to say so you quickly open the app up, and before you even know what happened, you’re not reading her message.

The thoughts that run through your head…

Where the hell did THAT come from?
WTF did I just do?
Why is he messaging me?
What’s the real reason behind the message?
Ugh, now he sees I opened it, do I reply, or not?

Ok it’s not earth shattering news for damn sure, but it makes you think. Once the initial confusion wears off, I mean it has been a few years since we’ve talked so it gets my gears working. Turning. Thinking. Seeing the name in the message, after taking a few blinks of the eyes, and then re reading the short sentence, realizing it came in last Thursday. My mind turns to wonder. Analyzing the sentence. Simple. To the point. But why?

 

Hmm…

Facebook even says he’s in my contacts. Well that’s odd, because he hasn’t been in my iPhone contacts in quite some time, unless it’s because we used to be Facebook friends as well. Questions.

But the one question I keep coming back to is why?

Why send a message like that, it wasn’t really necessary. I mean if you think of it, if I came up as a suggestion there isn’t any way for me to know that until you make me aware of it. He could have very well saw the suggestion and moved on to something else. I’m sure we all get those suggestions, but it doesn’t mean we need to start reaching out to people.

Let me just say, I’m over this experience. It’s in the past and it should stay as such.  I don’t regret it, because simply put it brought me to the place I am in right now. So now the question remains…do I reply and engage in conversation?

What would you do if a guy/girl you dated a few years ago just randomly sends you a message? Do you reply? Or just let it go?

Answering questions sometimes leads to conversations and I really don’t have anything to say or talk about. Except I can answer his question as simple and truthful as possible.

I’m doing great, thank you!

May ~ December Romance. The age old question…

I never really put much thought into May~ December romances, that is until it was pointed out to me that I’m involved in one.

Seriously speaking though, I don’t see it that way. Dave is a few years older than I, to be exact he’s 10 years older. Whatever 😉

I don’t see his or my age as a significant factor in our relationship. In fact, it’s a non issue. Except for his birthday, the day I walked into his store and I realized it was him all along. It was the only day and time that it made a difference, because I laughed out loud at the fact that the Happy 50th Birthday balloon was for him. How the hell could it be HIS 50th Birthday. It’s also our anniversary. So his birthday is significant, his age however means nothing.

As it should be.

I’ve heard numerous times that relationships with age gaps can’t last. That each person is involved for some specific gain. And happiness isn’t it.

Give me an effing break.

Ok I’ve made judgement on relationships based on a presumption of how people interact with each other. But only upon KNOWING each person in that relationship, as individuals and as a couple. Then and only then can you come to an opinion, but remember the saying about opinions 😉 And depending on how they act, you can see that someone is a gold digger, or a sugar daddy/mama, or any of the other names you can drum up. Sure everyone wants something from a relationship, and there are SOME people who are purely selfish.

That selfishness doesn’t only rear it’s ugly head in May~ December romances. I see plenty of selfish people who are “age appropriately” dating. You know within a 5 year age gap, perhaps. They have visible and sometimes not to visible signs of taking advantage of their significant other. Over the top expectations, demanding ways, etc.

Assumptions based on pure imagination makes one wonder why people are assuming in the first place. Where do you fit into that relationship? What gives you the right to make a judgement or assume what the foundation of that relationship is about?

Nowhere and nothing. Those are the answers to those questions.

The assumptions passed on our relationship, ironically made by only one person, so honestly not much validity there. In fact none whatsoever. Really take on a spiteful tone, one of selfishness it its own right. Sadly it needs to be discussed. Not to give that person a spotlight but to shine upon them the fact that making judgements on a person you don’t even know, let alone never met, says more about the person who’s making the comments than it does about who they’re talking about.

To say I don’t bring anything to the table but sex is pure hilarity. I mean look at me, I bring a hell of a lot, and then some. Maybe, just maybe that is a part of it. People who know me, already know that there is so much more to me than what meets the eye. They know who I really am. My mother raised a strong, independent woman, a woman who does not need to rely on others for the things she wants and needs. That does not mean being harsh and cruel, just being self reliant. My wise mother once said, “Always be able to sustain yourself in any situation, because at the end of the day you may be alone in the world, and surviving on your own is necessity.” Be a woman who seeks a partner not to complete her, but to add to what is already there. People should already be complete, be whole, you must be willing to put in 100% of yourself, no less.

Men should also take that advice. Together uplift one another, be there emotionally, physically and all the ways you can be for one another. A relationship, a real one, needs more than just sex to survive. Relationships, have multiple facets to them, doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that. It does however take some common sense, and sadly that isn’t so common after all.

So the next time you see a May~December relationship, or any relationship that is not your own. Don’t pass judgement, don’t make assumptions, don’t put your two cents in unless those two cents include the words… “Congratulations, I’m happy for you.”

It’s kind of funny as I’m typing this up this morning, I hear news that Ms. Patti Labelle is showing off her new romance. 30 year difference is making headlines. You go girl. If this is true (I haven’t seen confirmation from her camp as of yet so I don’t like to assume) I say, don’t let anyone dull your moment. If doing what you’re doing is making you happy, and it brings joy to your life, don’t let any misgivings or judgements ruin your life. Live and let live. Those people who are throwing shade, really need to live their own lives. I will say it again, it must be sad to live their lives.

This guy right here, he makes me happy, I make him happy, and mixed in throughout our days we sometimes get on each others nerves. I wouldn’t have it any other way. ❤

Caress

Waiting patiently, in the pale moon light

for the moment of his return.

Hair slightly damp, curly, and wispy,

the crisp cool linens, gently draped over her body.

Echos of the footsteps from the floor below,

beat steadily to their own drum.

A subtle whoosh of the ceiling fan joins in,

delicately creating a symphony unbeknownst to them.

Minutes pass, yet feeling like hours,

when the sound of his footsteps suddenly perk your ear.

Eyes peek open to catch a glimpse of his shadow on the bedroom floor

as the familiar smell of his aftershave swirls in the room.

Softly the sheets glide across your body

to make room for his entrance.

His caressing touch greets you as he joins by your side.

photo credit: Sleepy via photopin (license)