The common denominator is you.


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Here I sit, patiently reviewing my Facebook stats. Confusion sets in, but at least I have a home made gluten free blueberry muffin and an “I ❤ You a Latte” cappuccino. It’s the latte flavor, but with extra EXTRA cappuccino foam, no whip cream. Just the way I like it. And look at that awesome latte artwork from one of my favorite baristas! It’s perfect on this chilly Thursday morning as I’m peering through the heart window clings gracing and inviting in the next holiday.

Valentine’s Day.

Ah, a year later and look where we are. Last year this time I was single, happy in many ways, filled with love, even if I was single.  I still feel the same way, about oversharing some aspects of ones relationship. When you only see happy comments about the love of someones life, or even the constant sharing of how horrible it is to be single, how all men are alike, that men read from the same instruction manual, that you constantly have the same outcome when it comes to your dating life, even if you seek relationships with different guys.

“Oh he’s not like the other guys”

Then weeks later after you’ve hooked up….

“I haven’t heard from him in days, I send text messages and he doesn’t reply, he’s busy with work, his dog, his kids, his mother. I don’t know what I did. I thought this one was different”

8331524425_b9dbc632b0_mNews flash, he just might have been different. The common denominator = YOU.

You’re still the same person with this guy as you were with the last. And the guy before him, and the one before that other guy, and the other one.

Get it yet.

Until you start changing your relationship patterns, you will continue to get the same results.

The same sentiment holds true for anything you are doing. If you constantly do the same things over and over again, you will constantly get the same results over and over again.

A vicious cycle, no?

Why is it that as women, the fall to comment is…Why are all men exactly the same?

Sure some of them are only looking for one thing, some women also are this way. But sometimes, it’s not him, it’s you. Ask yourself these questions, and really think about the answers you give yourself.

  • Are you comfortable in your own skin?
  • Are you seeking validation from someone?
  • Do you have your shit together?
  • Are you confident in yourself and what you have to offer a partner?
  • Do you feel worthy of a healthy relationship?
  • Do you think sex will keep him, or make him want you more?

Now think long and hard about your answers. If you need validation from someone else that you are worthy of a healthy, happy relationship, you need to go back to the drawing board and work on yourself respect, and your self confidence. Using another person, yes this is using them, to fill that void you can’t seem to do on your own, does no one any good. Except in the heat of the moment, because you think that having sex with them will keep them around. Sure, it might keep them for a while, until someone else who is exactly like you, but might be skinnier, longer hair, taller, blah blah blah walks past their wandering eye and they move on to the next girl that might have your same mindset.

Don’t do that to yourself!! Don’t let your insecurities push you into doing something that you just might regret later on.

We all want love, companionship, sex with someone we feel we connect with on a deeper level. Some people want the one time deals, or friends with benefits, and that’s fine if that’s what works for you BOTH. But please for the Love of everything gluten free, don’t blame it all on everyone else, when you have got to know deep down inside that there is something that you’re doing to sabotage your own happiness.

Maybe you’re not ready for a relationship, maybe you’re just like all the rest of them, and you’re reading from the same manual. Flip the switch and all that you see men doing to you, you just might be doing to yourself. Sometimes we need to remove ourselves from a situation to see the broader picture. Being so focused on one particular speck of dirt, that you miss the whole pile.

There is a clear distinction between needing and wanting. If you NEED someone to complete you, to make you feel worthy, to make you feel wanted, you really NEED to work on yourself first, so that what you WANT isn’t what you NEED. You WANT a companion, you don’t NEED one. You need water to survive, you want coffee to feel good.

Never place your value, or your fulfillment upon someone else’s presence in your life.

What happens when they leave, or when they die perhaps, if your relationship eventually gets to the point of more than a casual thing. What happens then. Do you die as well because your existence is purely based upon them. You need to be whole, to survive when alone, to be able to go on in the face of adversity and the here after.

Want love and companionship for all the right reasons, because you’re worth it!

So when you think of Valentine’s Day, and you’re either in a relationship, or not, have love for the day and what it signifies. Have love for yourself first and foremost. Because self love, self respect, self acceptance, and self worth, are far more precious and valuable than all the chocolate candy filled hearts, bouquets of flowers, and jewels anyone can give you on February, 14th. Because if you don’t have those rare items the other 364/5 days of the year, you don’t have much.

So attached or not, go get yourself some of that stuff. NOW.

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