You have become the bully you so valiantly admonish!

Living in America, we are afforded certain inalienable rights. Freedom of speech is one of them. But in that freedom comes responsibility. Responsibility not to spew forth, hate, vitriol, falsehoods, or “Alternative Facts” as Facts. What I’m getting at is…what do you do to a child who outright lies to you, over and over again? Do you not correct their wrongdoings with some sort of consequence? Is there not a punishment for lying to a parent, guardian, or any other human being? If in fact the lie was outright egregious, then it should be handled as a lie, if however it was just misinformation or poor knowledge, it should also be handled accordingly as to rectify the wrongdoings.

Or am I wrong? Would you just continue to let your child lie to you and countless others, because it’s “Their Truth” ?

I doubt any good parent would knowingly allow their child to lie, without reprimanding them and teaching them the lessons of right and wrong. I’m reminded of the little story “The boy who cried wolf.” keep lying and no one will believe you when you’re really telling the truth. Eventually it happens, and when it does, I’m sure the circumstances are not idyllic.

I’ve seen much in the ways of propaganda, lies, and just outlandish juvenile behavior from people who I both admire, and associate with as friends, acquaintances, etc. I understand the right to have opposing opinions on various subjects, and I get a good meme from time to time is a quick way to show how you’re really feeling at the moment about a particular situation at hand, but come on people show a little decorum. Show a little respect. For yourselves.

When you are bashing the Woman’s March on DC, and posting a meme that says, “Get back in the kitchen where you belong, and make me a sandwich.”  “Trump got more than a million woman out exercising in one day than, Michelle Obama did in eight years” You are what’s wrong with this world. You are portraying nothing less than childish behavior at the expense at another human being. You are showing your children how to behave and act in this world, you are grooming our boys into men, and showing our girls where their place is in this world as well. Ultimatley you’re doing nothing to promote your cause.

You have become the Bully you so valiantly admonish! 

Think about that for a moment, and let it sink in.

By showing, or saying certain things, attacking groups of people, you are no better than the gum on the bottom of my shoe. And trust me I’m being kind by suggesting that.

You don’t need to be a feminist, to have compassion, dignity, and acceptance of others/things that are different from you. You have to be a human. Plain and simple it doesn’t get easier than that.

I have witnessed on my Facebook feed countless meme’s of hate and anger towards feminists, women in general, LGBTQ, African-Americans, etc and each and almost every one of those people who are posting, always have a savvy meme or copy and paste diatribe of words that they have scooped up from someone who is on a warpath. Hardly any of them have put into their own words what they really feel. Again I get the quick wit of just copying and sharing something that aligns with your thoughts and feelings, I’ve done it myself on occasion.

The most recent one I’ve seen circulating Facebook is one of  a particular status that expresses the reason why women did not support the marches.

First let me say, you don’t have to support the march, you should respect those that feel the need to march, however. You must realize that not everyone has the same advantages as you or I for that matter. We are afforded the right to peaceful protest under the US Constitution, we should take advantage of it. I’m not saying violence is acceptable, there is a distinct line between violent protests, and those that are peaceful. I support peaceful protests, even if I don’t participate with them, or feel they align with my values. Everyone is entitled to opinions, as you are entitled to not agree with the protests that have taken place, but to bash another person for feeling the need to stand up for what they believe is, is like telling you not to hold your beliefs true. Isn’t it?

I’m not sitting behind this monitor telling you your ideals are wrong. I don’t agree with you, but I’m not telling you you’re wrong, unless your promoting a lie.

Most of the women who are protesting are doing so because they have at one time or another felt disrespected, held down, belittled, abused, treated as second class citizens, etc. They feel at this point this is how to get their voices heard. And although we were heard in the election, our countries election process does not believe in popular vote. If you still believe that Hillary only won the popular vote because of illegal immigrant votes, I have a bridge to sell you.

You don’t have to agree with those that chose to march, you do however need to stop living a life of “I” and instead of stating…

I’m not disrespected

I’ve never felt that way before

I’ve never been abused

I don’t believe in their cause…

How about remove yourself from the equation, and think about THEM. Why are they doing what they are doing. I’m thrilled that You haven’t endured the atrocities that many of these women have faced, and are trying to prevent. I’m saddened by their experiences and the fact that this election has elicited such emotion from them that they are scared. Scared of what could happen, scared of what is happening slowly to our future. I’ve had my own share of problems in life, some that no one will ever know of, but when I hear and see things that so many people are saying it shakes me to my soul, because I know of what possiblilites stand on the other side of that door.

I don’t mind a world with varying opinions, I actually encourage thought-provoking, intelligent ones, but what I do mind is hate! Hate from people I call, friends, acquaintances, colleagues, family… it’s sickening, sad, and angers me.

Instead of bashing one another, or dismissing someones cause, how about you ask them why they are doing what they are doing. Ask them if you can help, even if in another way. You don’t need to stand with them in solidarity marching through the streets, but you should however offer a shoulder or a listening ear for their cause. If at the end of the conversation, you still can’t accept their ideas, wish them well… and walk away.

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Walking away isn’t bad, actually it’s quite acceptable, but be respectful. I understand that there is hate and negativity on both sides.  I remember the days of seeing memes referencing monkeys, and posts of violence against, President Obama, but of course many people tend to forget what has happened in the past. People who felt those posts were horrible are constantly told to “Buckle up butter cup. Stop being a snowflake. Go away and color. Find a safe place”  Those same people who were telling you were to go back then are at it now, but with a sense of power and authority behind them because “our guy won and your bitch lost” But remember this one thing, the past predicts the future, and our past is dark, we must do all we can to change the future, and the only way to change that is to change ourselves. Keep standing up for the truth.

If we constantly bash one another, even in a joking manner, it is still negative energy being let out into this glorious world we inhabit. Let us be better than our past, better than our worse selves, and better than someone who can not see past themselves.

Time to Make America LOVE Again!

This morning I decided to go browse my Facebook feed to see what the world was up to. Oh what a clusterfuck it was. To my dismay it was yet another diatribe of bullshit spewed forth by people who have nothing better to say. At least nothing constructive. What I mean is this:

On a daily basis, I see hate, ignorance, and pure evil flowing forth like Niagara Falls. No matter the topic at hand, Politics, Religion, Race, Gender, Who’s lives matter more than another… the list goes on. Wake up~ We all matter equally. Hate is dominating, I’m not sure if it’s coming from a point of view of pure evil, sheer misunderstanding of another persons personal beliefs, or ignorance that there are all kinds of people who make the world go round. Unfortunately within the mix evil exists. Hate exists, and it’s sickening me to my core.

People don’t realize that a snide comment about a person’s character, gender,  or sexual preference, has far more reaching consequences than the topic at hand. This morning I was compelled to write a post, (it is shown below) which some could assume is just about politics.

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Sorry to disappoint you, but politics may be what I’m seeing today specifically, but generally speaking, attacks about another persons character happen all the time. Either in a meme or in a direct comment/post etc. Shows so much maturity and intelligence when you’re attacking someone in that manner.

The old saying, “What you say about another person says more about you as a person, than it does about the person whom you’re talking about” Yes it speaks volumes. How can you be taken seriously if all you do is attack?

These comments have far more reaching consequences than the immediate moment. They travel through time and space and occupy the deepest crevices of our mind. They grow with us, with our children, and future generations. One could argue that a simple meme depicting ignorance about a political figure, sexual preference or anything for that matter is simply trivial. But in reality those small fissures in time of arrogance set a precedent for future attacks upon people. It’s a wonderful thing to teach the youth of today, an untarnished mindset that is still evolving and developing. Showing them that if you don’t like someone for their perceived differences just tell them to go fuck off, that they don’t matter,  they are not important, their point of view is irrelevant, they are worthless, they are wrong, and you’ve got the perfect meme to show them just how wrong they are.
Because at the end of the day, all the little comments made about someone different from you, who doesn’t agree with you, because your point of view matters more, is just what the world needs more of.
No, Dorothy what the world needs more of is Love, Compassion, Understanding, Acceptance, Open Mindedness, and all around RESPECT for each other.
There are certain things that make us who we are as individuals, it’s either Biological, or Environmental. Guess what I think it is that makes a person so hateful…Then again, what do I know? I don’t have a catchy meme to go with this post, do I?

Nature vs. Nurture, thank you for your compliment anyway

pregnant-woman-1130611_640No matter where I go there are children all around. A store, a park, even just now while I’m at the coffee shop trying to write a post for the day. Kids are everywhere. And they are drawn to me like a magnet. It’s all good, and I will happily oblige a curious conversation, play with a dolly, or action figure, read a line from a book that’s sitting nearby, and even listen to baby babble that hardly anyone can understand.

Kids have always seen me, smiled, and started engaging with me for as long as I can remember. I would be told “You just have a way with them, a demeanor they can feel comfortable with. Kids are like animals, if they sense something bad or off with you, they will let you know.”

Just now, as I sipped my Iced Cinnamon Americano, thinking about writing about what NOT to say to a woman who doesn’t have children of her own at my age, a little girl no more than 2 years old decided to walk away from her mother’s side and come sit with me at my table.

She stood by the table side and showed me her dolly. Baby Doll is her name. Baby Doll wanted to read the stories that were in the Coffee Book. The ones that tell you all about coffee beans from harvest to poured in your cup. Obviously, the little girl didn’t know what the book entailed but she wanted to read it. So I happily started going through the book she handed me, as she pulled the empty seat out and started to climb up to have a seat and listen to the story I would read. All while mom was apologetic for her daughters intrusion of my personal space.

I assured mom that all was good and I was happy to read to her daughter. So we flipped through the book (which is a photo album) and as I’m holding the book, and Baby Doll, I started to create a story which was more on her level of understanding than the technical aspect of harvesting beans.

“See this picture right here, this is a coffee bean. Once it’s grown up they take the bean and make the coffee that your Mommy and I are drinking right now.”

“Mmmmm coffee.” she says with a smile on her face.

As Mom is still apologizing for the intrusion. I assure her again that had I had a better book to read, and she didn’t mind, I would have happily entertained her; as I love to see children reading. Mom so happened to have “Goodnight Moon” in her free hand. We laughed a little and she said…

“You must be an awesome Mom for sure! Thank you for taking time to read to her, and not be totally annoyed by the interruption. Your kids are really lucky to have you as a Mom”

I honestly didn’t know what to say except, thank you.

Do I reply “Oh I don’t have kids” and make the person feel bad for assuming?

It was in that moment I just took the compliment and thanked her for it. I have often said, I am not a mom by nature, but by nurture I sure as hell am. I’ve mothered many children over the years, and although I don’t hold that title specifically I do almost everything a mother does, except for birthing and breast-feeding.

Let me be clear, I was not offended at all by the compliment and kind words of this stranger. Her observation of my caring nature, made her associate me with a mother. That’s totally fine. In fact I found her statement to be quite nice, and was definitely appreciative of what she said. However, at my age, I’ve heard many comments about why I don’t have children. Questioning the reasons why there are no little ones running around. Just as a pregnant woman gets tired of all the questions regarding breast or bottle, names, staying home or going back to work, and the list goes on. Still not sure what gives someone the right to question and ask why. That becomes annoying. Just like asking how much money someone has in the bank, or what their weight is, or any other possibly intrusive questions you could think of.

Why do you have the need to ask

  • Why or why not?
  • Is it a choice?
  • Can you not have children?
  • If you can have them, why wouldn’t you want them?
  • Why haven’t you had any yet?
  • You’re getting old, the clock is running out.
  • Don’t you want to go through the experience of having a baby?
  • Don’t you want to make your Mom a Grandma?
  • Don’t you want to be called Mom?
  • It’s not fair you have to raise someone elses children but not have any of your own, why wouldn’t you want to have your own too?  *Let me clear this one up before someone jumps to conclusions~ I don’t raise my boyfriends children, they have a Mom & Dad. I am Dad’s Girlfriend. I am around a lot, and I care deeply about these boys, but I will never replace their Mom. She is, and always will be, Mom. I’m an extra special person that cares and loves them unconditionally, because I want to, not because I have to. 

People chose to judge, jump to conclusions, and place their own self-proclaimed feelings, thoughts, wants and/or needs (that might even be their own truths/issues that they are fearful of acknowledging) upon someone else. It’s called projecting.

IMG_5890-0My capacity to love, care, nurture, etc. has no bearing on whether or not I give birth to a child. Nature does not need to provide me a biological child for me to be a nurturing woman.

That solely has to do with my nature, capacity to love, and my personality.

It’s also my body, my choice, maybe or maybe not, and a collective decision made by two adults on what they want/need, can/can’t have in their relationship. If you must cast judgement or just have a curious nature, maybe broach your question with some care and a little class so you don’t come across like a nosy little ass!

 

 

 

 

#AtoZChallenge P is for Persnickety Politics

Random MusingsandWanderlustI’ve often kept my true feelings about taboo subjects to myself, because my Mom taught me to never have those conversations. Never discuss religion, politics, or abortion. Other people may not have the same outlook on those subjects as you do, and only bad things can come of their discussion, and as we’ve gotten older there is more emphasis on being politically correct.

I tend to think otherwise, especially with light of the Presidential election looming not too far in the near future. Sure bad things may come of opening a can of worms and discussing politics among our friends, but to stifle my own point of view in hopes to keep the peace, does no one, including myself any justice. I matter, my opinion matters, and even the opinion of those I don’t agree with, matter. I don’t have to agree with you, nor you me, but I welcome valid, well informed, intelligent opinions that don’t resort to  “You don’t know what your little liberal ass is talking about” remark. When you bring the level of conversation down, it leaves me no choice but to think less of you, less of your opinion, because you don’t have a valid ground to stand on.

So when I scroll through my Facebook news feed and see simple minded “Trump is Awesome” meme’s or “Hillary is a Whore” it makes me wonder why do you think he is all that awesome? Or why you would resort to insulting her as a woman (which let’s be clear is disgusting to stoop that low) and not her political stance. Why strike below the belt with insults? Insults and mud slinging of personal attacks make you sound like a child on a playground who isn’t getting their way and has nothing else left to say.Actually that’s insulting to a child, who hopefully will be brought up to not resort to those low blows.

Trump’s opinions and his way of expressing them, make him look foolish, and those who follow along blindly with his antics make me wonder why they agree with his ideologies. He’s nothing like what I would hope my next President would embody. His views on women or immigration, just to name a few, as well as his demeanor and attitude are in my opinion less than stellar. In fact they are so far fetched, I truly wonder why anyone could agree with him on so many of these topics. People in the media have called him politically incorrect, his views represent that of which put down those who don’t abide his standards. I ask, what makes him, or anyone else for that matter, a better person than the next?

I ask you, those who are endorsing him, to please enlighten me as to WHY he is all that and a bag of chips. I guess for all intents and purposes I am a Liberal in the eyes of many. Although a registered Conservative since I’m 18, and I always vote up and down party lines. I am open to differing views, and  I am accepting of  all people regardless of their ideologies, sexual preferences, income status, races, and even political affiliation. Yes that’s including people I don’t necessarily agree with, because if at the end of the day if I don’t accept you for your differing opinion, how can I expect you to also accept me? Granted there are plenty of people who do not hold my same convictions and are judgy mcjudgersons to the 10th degree.

But that is what makes this society what it is. Because it takes ALL kinds of people to make up this world and we don’t all always have to agree with one another, but let’s also not bash each other for our view points. If we don’t agree with one another, there is no reason to resort to antics, stand your ground, hold true your convictions and values, but remember at the end of the day, not everyone will or has to agree with you, and that’s ok!

A to Z Challenge: C is for Certified Organic Coffee!

I was never really a coffee fan. Except during my years in advertising. Working in Manhattan there was a *bucks on every corner. There was one even in the building I worked in, just 6 floor below. Two times a day I would hit them up for a fix. I even wanted, dreamed of one opening up in my small little town way back in the year 2000.  Then I stopped. It just wasn’t doing it for me. I wasn’t really enjoying my experience. The coffee was there, the caffeine was ok, but it just wasn’t for me. I went back to drinking tea, and water.

Until 2013 when I was just driving down the highway and happened upon a sign painted in a storefront window that read, Coffee. It was so cute, and quaint. Why not give it a whirl I figured.

That day, was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Both literally and figuratively.

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If you’ve followed the blog in the past, you will find the comfy cozy chair very familiar, as well as the rest of the shops decor.

Tend Coffee, the brainchild of Roast Master, Susan Kennedy and her husband, Chef and Confectioner, Daniel Kennedy is located in Shirley, NY and is a Certified Organic Coffee Roaster. They create and serve hand crafted espresso, coffee, and fresh pastries, as well as their line of hand poured chocolates : Chokola’j

 

Yes even the pastries are handcrafted. Daniel creates his pastry magic at a separate licensed production kitchen, and each delectable treat is baked at the store daily. From their “inside out macaroon” which I happen to be a huge fan of, to their scones, muffins, cookies, and handpies you simply can not go wrong when choosing an item from the pastry case.

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Pastries aside, the coffee is phenomenal. A handcrafted cup of perfection, is what I would call it. Roasted on site, in by far the largest roaster I’ve ever laid eyes on, the aroma can be smelled within at least one to two miles away from the shop if the wind catches it correctly.

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From seasonal lattes like the Bunny Hop, or the Four Leaf Latte, to fan favorites of Cinnamon Bun, Samoa Cookie, and even Rainbow Cookie! The flavor combinations are endless, and if you don’t see something you would like, one of the baristas would be happy to create something for you. Even if you prefer old favorites like Mocha, or Caramel Macchiato, hot or iced, they have you covered. At Tend Coffee, they also create some of their most used flavorings for your beverages. From Anise, Cinnamon, Banana, Cardamom, and Lavender Honey, just to name a few.

Let’s just say coffee isn’t your thing, I don’t know why it wouldn’t be especially with fabulous Organic and Fair Trade Certified coffee as this (they have 9 varieties Certified Fair Trade) they also have handcrafted Teas, Chai Tea, frappes, hot chocolate, and even some bottle juices/beverages to choose from.

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This little gem is a wonderful addition to my community. Not only because of the wonderful coffee and pastries they offer, but also for their presence and friendliness of everyone that works here. No matter who you are, when you enter these doors you’re treated with respect, greeted with a warm welcoming smile and are made to feel at home. Heck if you’re a regular like myself, you can even have your coffee served in your own real mug 😉 I took ownership, or as we like to call it: Adopted this guy a few months ago. It was about time I think. But if your not a regular, and would like your coffee in something other than a to go cup, you can have  it served in a Tend mug!

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I feel spoiled when I have a Cinnamon and Caramel Sauce Latte…oh by the way their caramel and mocha sauces are also handcrafted and are to die for! But yes, I feel spoiled, because when I go away on vacation and the only choice for coffee is the poor quality served at certain establishments, or the box store you find on every random street corner, I long for a cup of Tend Coffee.

By the way, my coffee preference as of the last five months or so has switched to half caff. Yep it’s not even full fledged caffeine anymore and I don’t notice a difference in flavor at all. No jitters either from cutting back. When I serve coffee at Davids house or my own for that matter, I use Tend’s Espresso Pull blend in half caff, and they grind it for my particular coffee machine. David’s Brother in law commented on more than one occasion that “This is the best coffee I’ve ever had. You know I’m not lying because I actually finished the first cup and would like more if you have any left”  As part of their Hanukkah present, I made them a gift basket filled with a pound of half caff, two Tend coffee mugs, a gift box of Chokola’j  mixed chocolates, and a slew of other goodies. They served it at a holiday dinner, and all their friends needed to know where to get this coffee, because it was the best they ever had.

It’s Tend Coffee of course, you really should get some.

If you’re ever traveling the East End of Long Island, N.Y. you should stop on by and check out this quaint little shop. And if you can’t get in your jet to swing by, you can always check out their website at Tend Coffee 

 

*This is my opinion, I was not paid to endorse this product/company/business.*

I spy with my little eye: What’s that flapping in the wind?

I guess he used what most people make fun of about him to his advantage. Maybe? Maybe not is more like it. Because I see this as something I would reconsider. Is this the best his people could come up with? Really? Yes I did a double take, and was shaking my head at the fact someone was advertising it. One I don’t like bumper stickers. Period. Two, this is a stupid looking logo for a Presidential candidate. All that hair of his flapping in the wind. What is that the winds of change? No comment needed!

 

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Life lessons in metaphors.

David’s youngest son loves having discussions in metaphors. We can talk for hours using only metaphors. Yet we get to the heart of the topic, and are on the same page with understanding what we are trying to say. The other day we were talking about some random stuff, and I just nonchalantly said,

“Well there are different kinds of being sick, or hurt. For example, if you have a runny nose and cough it’s not as severe as the flu and you don’t treat them the same way. Or let’s say you have a splinter under your fingernail, you don’t cut off your whole arm to get rid of that splinter, do you? No, you try to get it out with a pair of tweezers, some tape, or glue. If that doesn’t work, you can sometimes leave it in your finger for a while and let your body do all the work for you. Eventually it will expel it on its own”

That’s when it kinda hit me. These metaphorically speaking conversations about what others may see as insignificant ramblings, can spark something deeper. As we sat there chatting about life’s mysteries, it dawned on me that what I had said, for him to understand something, actually helped me have an Ah-Ha moment of my own.

I’ve been dealing with a “splinter” if you will, and I’ve taken the approach of leaving it alone, ignoring it, and not doing anything about it. Because quite frankly, if I’m going to be honest, I don’t give much of a fuck about it.

The problem is, this splinter is festering. It’s like a boil on the tip of your nose, or the cheek of your ass. You can ignore it, let it go, not deal with it, and see if it just goes away on its own. But it doesn’t. It comes to a head and then just when you think you can pluck it with a pair tweezers, it slips right back under the skins surface. You know it’s there. It’s like wild ivy, if you don’t maintain it, it runs rampant and takes over every square inch, invading everything in its path.

And I find myself saying:

 

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Unfortunately it is all too real. I’ve ignored it, haven’t given it any attention, frankly it doesn’t deserve any in my opinion because it’s a worthless piece of trash, just stuck there, like gum on the bottom of your shoe. But you reach a point where you have to say enough is fucking enough already.

Get the fuck out of here.

A person will only take so much crap from a festering splinter, or anything else for that matter. Then one day, they find a way to rip that fucking splinter right out from underneath their fingernail and throw it in the garbage, right where it belongs.

 

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There are times in life where letting something go like, Elsa would say, is a good thing. Let it run its course and it will resolve on its own. Don’t give it the attention it desperately craves and wants, but most certainly doesn’t deserve.

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Then there are other times, where an immediate intervention is required. If you happen to follow the let it go course, and suddenly find yourself needing to take control of the situation because it’s just out of hand, take the bull by the horns, and set that bitch straight.

You are ultimately in control of the situation. Even if you don’t feel you are.