Imperfectly Perfect With You

My heart in your hands
the weight of the world on your shoulders
you bear the burden of all before you

you tackle it with grace and strength
you set forth to conquer the demons
change the perception, the course of the world

you have the power
in the subtle things you do
in the words that you speak
in the actions that you take

you bring forth a comfort and calmness
you are unique unto yourself

you share your dreams, haunts, desires, and fears
you are all I could have imagined
and more than I could fathom

you are the sun
the moon
the stars
and galaxies
combined in one
fantastical expression of God

In my heart you can find
all that I am
and all that I have
aligned imperfectly perfect with you

love-smoke_00381277

 

 

My Mom Loves Meghan Trainor’s NO song

Thanks Megan TrainorHeading out to my doctor’s appointment the other day and my mom was my co pilot. I haven’t seen much of her lately, it’s sad but true, I’ve been neglecting quality time with her and I miss it terribly. Although she does get on my nerves as all wonderful mothers do 😉 yesterday was like any other day with her. Except we were having a disagreement over the freaking radio of all things.

When I go to the doctor, especially the gynecologist I need to destress and make sure my blood pressure is under control. I don’t know why but it goes higher when I get there. I love my doctor he is really great, I think it’s just being there kinda thing, I mean think about it no one really likes going to the gyno. Right? lol.

As we’re mosying along listening to the radio, catching up with each other over our cups of coffee, I’m channel surfing on the radio. I hate every song that’s playing, it’s irritating the fuck out of me, if it’s not some old school rap or Whitney Houston song that’s blasting, it’s some funky country tune and it’s all like nails on a chalkboard to me.

Then pops Meghan Trainor’s “NO” song and I give it a second or two and hit the search function. Not realizing Mom is singing along to Meghan! WTF

My name is no
My sign is no
My number is no

Yes she’s singing along and all of a sudden I snap out of my trance and glance at her and start laughing.

“Seriously, Mom are you singing along, and you know the lyrics?”
“Yes, it’s a catchy song. I hear it all the time on WBLI, and well it reminds me of my younger days when I was single and would go out to the Hampton’s and party with my friends”
“Really, how so?”
“Well it’s a meat market out there, as it is almost any club or bar you’d go to. But like the song says…

Thank you, I don’t wanna dance
If I want a man, then I’ll get a man
(Paraphrasing because these aren’t the exact lyrics)

“Today’s day and age isn’t any different from it was back in the 70’s, people are the same the years have just changed. But this song is a good one, she’s got a good point. Priorities, and knowing what you want and going after it. It’s a catchy tune”

As she finishes her sentence the song which had mellowed out in the background automatically seemed to get louder…

My name is no
My sign is no
My number is no
No
No
No

She was singing along again and trails off.

“Oh boy it even reminds me of your father. At the time, I was dating a Nuclear Physicist, and working at the Adult/Nursing Home. There was a Christmas party and I had been told by the ladies in food services that he really liked me. I had absolutely no interest in him and told him to leave me alone. At the Christmas party I brought the guy I was dating and your father had the balls to come up to me and ask me to dance. The nerve of him.”

“Apparently you said yes, Mom.”

“Like the song says…NO. I told him I was with someone and I couldn’t dance with him. He wasn’t too happy, and that led to him pursuing me.”

“And here we are 41 years later…”

My Name is no
My sign is no
My number is no

Perfect timing and the song kicks in again, we both laugh and giggle and I tell her about one of the other songs Meghan Trainor wrote and how I blogged about it.

“Oh God are you gonna blog about me now, would you really do that to your, Mother? Talking about how love is blind and all that jazz. How I went for the Hippy with the long hair and ripped jeans, and left the Nuclear Physisist? Well one wonderful thing happened from it all, and I wouldn’t change it. If I had the chance to do it all over again I would. I got you from it so that’s like hitting the jackpot” She says with a smile and a glimmer in her eyes.

Yes Mom I will, and I did, because I love you. You have shown me year after year and day after day that no matter what is happening in our lives, a little musical interlude always does the soul good. Even if it’s some catchy tune by Meghan Trainor. Especially if her music can spark a memory of yours and we can share in that memory.

Thanks Meghan Trainor. I never thought I’d say those words before.

What a difference a year makes, Oh Happy Day

img_0848-2Today is Dave’s Birthday!

It’s also our Anniversary!

Or maybe it’s tomorrow 😉 lol. We often joke about that, because today is the day I walked through his door looking to buy some cups for my stepdad’s nebulizer machine after spending a week in Pennsylvania visiting my Sissy and her family.

After chatting for a while and having that epiphany , he would have liked to go out that night, but had his sons for Boy Scouts so he asked me if I’d go with him to dinner the next night. Little did I know my life would change soon after stepping foot inside his store. 

I’d often go to his store to buy those same cups and upon returning from my trip, my stepdad had run out of his stash. So I needed to go to the only store in the area that sold the good ones. It was about 20 minutes away and I was rushing to get there before they closed for the day.

That day was a funny one and feels as if it was yesterday. Like I said today’s his birthday, so when I arrived he joked that I was his birthday present. I admit it made me blush a little, ok a lot at the time, and it still does to this day. Although I wasn’t his birthday present in the sense last year, or maybe I was in some cosmic, divine intervention, fate way, I joked with him this morning that I was his present this year 😉

Although we celebrated our Anniversary and his Birthday together this past weekend out in Montauk , which was just the thing we needed to get some good quality time togehter. We try to celebrate all the time, not in the grand scheme of things, nor over extravagant ways, but in the simple gestures we do for each other on a daily basis.

This last year has had it’s ups and downs for both of us, yet through it all, at the end of the day we each know the other has our backs. I often say life’s not all rainbows and unicorns, it’s got it’s sprinkling of chaos, but like all great baked sweets you need a little salt to bring out the sweetness. A little rain to bloom the flowers, and cultivate the lifecycle. So bring on the pinch of salt to add spice to our life.

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Wishing you the Sweetest Birthday and Happiest of Anniversaries, Hun. I’m blessed to spend today with you, and looking forward to all the days that will follow.

XO Paula ❤

Happy Mothers Day 

Wishing all the Moms, like a Mom, and  extra loving bonus Moms, a wonderfull Mothers Day!

 In all the many ways as woman we mother the ones we love, I wish you all a day filled with as much joy, love, and happiness that you bring to those you love and care for. 

❤️❤️🌹🌹🐾🐾

#AtoZChallenge L & M are for I’m late, I’m late for a very important blog post. Love your Mother

So since I was planning on writing about Loving your Mother for M, it does kind of fit as a duo post.

If you are a regular reader here at the blog, you know my Mom is my Rock. She’s my supporter, my “get your shit together” pusher, and I’m lucky to be able to call her my friend. We don’t see eye to eye on everything, and that’s a good thing. She gives me tough love when I need it, and recently I was reminded of a mentally exhausting situation that she left me to fend for myself with. How Dare She!

You know that tough love that we often hear of, and some people think that’s too much pressure for kids. I don’t agree. Sometimes tough love is just the swift kick in the ass that some kids need. (Not literally a kick in the ass let’s clear that up now) but they need that push, that fight or flight moment where it’s them against the world and they will either sink or swim. We can’t always be there for our kids, but we have to have enough faith that we have instilled within them the power, ability, and fortitude to strive for more than the mediocre, the minimum and actually be able to survive on their own for when the time comes we won’t be there to fix all the boo-boos of life.

She left me. She just left me there. How the fuck could she have done that. She hung up the phone on me during my crying spell, told me she loved me and then hung up on me. It was just the busy signal on the payphone and my heavy breathing I could hear. All other sounds vanished in the distance. What the fuck did she just do to me?

The best thing for me she could have done, and the hardest day of her life. She left me to fend for myself, and didn’t fix the problem. At least not how I wanted her to. She did it the right way, with a little tough love and cut of the apron strings to be exact.

I grew up with my Mom and Nana raising me for most of my life. Until she met my stepdad. But it was my Mom who had been the foundation for everything. So when I decided to go away to college two hours away from home in Upstate New York, she wasn’t so sure it was a good idea and tried to steer me to a college closer to home. I didn’t want to budge. I could do it I said. So she agreed,and when the time came, she took the two hour drive to get me settled in my dorm room, and turned around and left.

Not more than three hours had gone by, I was at the payphone calling her up crying hysterical because I wanted to come home. I didn’t want to be there. I couldn’t handle it. I felt like an outsider among many. Although I had quickly made a friend, who I will forever call my, Sissy I still didn’t want to be there.

Mom did what I never expected her to do. She told me to calm down, stop crying, and deal with it. She was in no uncertain terms driving back to get me. I would have to deal with it myself and get through it. I wasn’t going to get my way. She told me she loved me and she hung up the phone.

In the heat of the moment, I hated my mother. How dare she just abandon me. She didn’t care, she didn’t love me, and she was leaving me all alone in a world I didn’t want to be in.

As the days went by, I adjusted. To be honest, the following weekend, I was off to the Bronx with my Sissy to meet her family. I took a bus from upstate to the city. I never told my mother what I did at least not for a few more weeks. But I did tell my aunt, this way someone knew that I was ok but not where they thought I would be.

Had my mother been one of those moms who fixed every boo-boo I had, I wouldn’t be who I am today, and for that I thank her. I was telling Dave this story the other day when we were having a conversation about tough love and his boys. It can’t be an easy thing to do, but sometimes the most difficult things we need to do for our children’s well being is the thing that will give them the strength to move on in life and succeed in the real world.

After one week of hating my mother, I saw what she did as exactly what I needed. I needed her to trust in me what she had instilled in me. The fact that I was more than capable of dealing with circumstances out of my control. That I was able to survive in the midst of thinking I was drowning. She knew I had it in me, she knew what she needed to do, and I also know it was by far one of the hardest thing she’d done. But she did it with my survival in mind.

For that day and situation, and many more before and after, I thank my Mom for being the best she could have been for me. For doing the hard things, and for making me face the hard things head on. Love you Mom for all that you do and all that you’ve done ❤ IMG_1839

 

 

*******

The story of my life. Always running late at least a solid good 5-10 minutes behind even if I have my clock set 15 minutes ahead. My mother always says I’ll be late to my own wedding, that I should arrive a day ahead just so I’ll be on time and that she will meet me there because goodness knows I’m gonna be running around like a chicken without her head. I can admit, she’s got a point with it all and is probably right. I’ll also probably be late to my own funeral 😉

Today’s post is a duo, because let’s just face it, I failed at posting L in time. I worked for a few days on L’s post, and I just couldn’t do it. I hated every word pouring out, it wasn’t flowing and I couldn’t do it. I will rework it for another post at a later time, if I can stomach it.

#AtoZChallenge K is for Kindness

imageKindness comes in all forms, but most people automatically think of kindness towards others. Which in and of itself is a wonderful thing, but first before we can offer kindness towards others, we must be able to be kind to ourselves.

How many times during the course of a day are you unkind to yourself? Think about it. You put extra obstacles in front of you from the moment you wake up, you have unrealistic goals that you may not be able to attain, you don’t give yourself credit for the achievements you do reach, or possibly you think harshly about yourself and your valid accomplishments don’t feel deserving of a pat on the back. You think poorly of your self worth, feel unlovable, unattractive, or simply not good enough for yourself or for others.

Any of those sound familiar to you as you’re reading them? I’m sure at one point in our lives this is the case. Hopefully it’s not a daily occurence and you are being kind to yourself daily.

We need to reinforce the simple, yet often hard, act of kindness within our own lives. Kindness, like love, can not be freely given to another person unless we are able to let go of our own self imposed barriers, and give to ourselves first. It’s not being selfish, it’s fostering a healthy relationship with ourselves so we can also encourage healthy relationships with those in our lives.

Just as we can not teach a child respect, honor, discipline, and love unless we are ourselves practicing what we preach. Do not expect to hold another person to a higher standard if you yourself can not at least try to do it for yourself. That wouldn’t be fair to them, or you for that matter.

Be kind to yourself, so you can be kind to others. Practice daily moments of self kindness. Tell yourself in the morning that you are good enough, lovable, worthy of goodness and happiness. These mantras of kindness will help you through your daily life and your interactions with others.

#AtoZChallenge: F is for F.Scott Fitzgerald

Fitzgerald had a way with words, and that’s putting it mildly. His expression of love and admiration still rings true, and has the same impact all these years later. Not only are his love quotes meaningful, so are his quotes on writing and life in general.

I’ve often found deep meaning in his quotes. You can almost get lost within them, at least I can. Here is a sampling of some of my favorite, F. Scott Fitzgerald quotes.

If you have a favorite of his that isn’t listed, please share it below.