Imperfectly Perfect With You

My heart in your hands
the weight of the world on your shoulders
you bear the burden of all before you

you tackle it with grace and strength
you set forth to conquer the demons
change the perception, the course of the world

you have the power
in the subtle things you do
in the words that you speak
in the actions that you take

you bring forth a comfort and calmness
you are unique unto yourself

you share your dreams, haunts, desires, and fears
you are all I could have imagined
and more than I could fathom

you are the sun
the moon
the stars
and galaxies
combined in one
fantastical expression of God

In my heart you can find
all that I am
and all that I have
aligned imperfectly perfect with you

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Sweetness among the sorrows

imageLife.

It’s a cycle we all go through. Some longer than others, some without issues, some with major devastating ones. Disease, struggle, hardships, ups & downs. We all have a certain baggage if you will.

Life as we know it is full of sweetness and sorrow. Just wish the sweetness would outweigh the sorrows so many are suffering.

It’s a given we are born, and we die. But all too often, and much more recently in my lifetime, there has been more loss. Could it be because I’m aging and am more aware of life’s sometimes short cycle? Could it be that I’m just more aware of it and it’s been ongoing for far too long? I’m not sure what the answer is, but honestly the amount of loss so many of my friends and acquaintances are going through is tearing at my heartstrings. I’m not trying to sound trite, or without compassion, coming up with flippant comment. It truly is heartbreaking to see the loss that is happening daily. Either on a personal closer to home scale, and the far more widespread world scale.

It seems as if life is coming full circle. I’m in the position my mother was/is in. Instead of seeing family or friends at weddings and baby showers, it’s at funerals.

Siblings, parents, spouses, children, loved ones in so many ways are passing more frequently. It’s a stark reminder that life is too short and can pass you by in the blink of an eye. Parents are aging, freak accidents happen.

Life…happens. And then it doesn’t.

And it leaves you with the ultimate question. Why?

I’m usually not at a loss for words. But sometimes, especially during times like this, words escape me. I can say how sorry I am for your loss, I can offer words of sympathy for you and your grieving family, I can tell you to take comfort in their memory and that they are at peace. Which are all heartfelt sentiments that I wish for you. But nothing in life truly prepares you for how those words you say, or type, come across to the one receiving them. Those words of comfort can often feel absent of compassion. Because it’s like putting a price value on a life. How can you sum up the loss of a dear loved one in a simple “So sorry for your loss”? It’s simple, and truthful, and we can only hope understood.

In our lifetime, we all deal with sorrow among the sweetness. Sadly, as we are getting older it seems sorrow has been taking the lead. Life can prepare us for the inevitable, but only in theory. It’s the final act that tests our limits and acceptance. I am saddened beyond words the last few weeks at the amount of loss that has hit people who surround me, either close friends, or mere acquaintances. Lives taken too soon, without a warning, or even those who we feel have beaten the odds countless times and without a doubt will persevere yet again. They have lost their battles, and leave the world left behind sweeter for their presence during their time in it, yet full of sorrow for their future absence. ❤

My wish for you during your time of grieving, is to find… sweetness among the sorrows.

 

 

What a difference a year makes, Oh Happy Day

img_0848-2Today is Dave’s Birthday!

It’s also our Anniversary!

Or maybe it’s tomorrow 😉 lol. We often joke about that, because today is the day I walked through his door looking to buy some cups for my stepdad’s nebulizer machine after spending a week in Pennsylvania visiting my Sissy and her family.

After chatting for a while and having that epiphany , he would have liked to go out that night, but had his sons for Boy Scouts so he asked me if I’d go with him to dinner the next night. Little did I know my life would change soon after stepping foot inside his store. 

I’d often go to his store to buy those same cups and upon returning from my trip, my stepdad had run out of his stash. So I needed to go to the only store in the area that sold the good ones. It was about 20 minutes away and I was rushing to get there before they closed for the day.

That day was a funny one and feels as if it was yesterday. Like I said today’s his birthday, so when I arrived he joked that I was his birthday present. I admit it made me blush a little, ok a lot at the time, and it still does to this day. Although I wasn’t his birthday present in the sense last year, or maybe I was in some cosmic, divine intervention, fate way, I joked with him this morning that I was his present this year 😉

Although we celebrated our Anniversary and his Birthday together this past weekend out in Montauk , which was just the thing we needed to get some good quality time togehter. We try to celebrate all the time, not in the grand scheme of things, nor over extravagant ways, but in the simple gestures we do for each other on a daily basis.

This last year has had it’s ups and downs for both of us, yet through it all, at the end of the day we each know the other has our backs. I often say life’s not all rainbows and unicorns, it’s got it’s sprinkling of chaos, but like all great baked sweets you need a little salt to bring out the sweetness. A little rain to bloom the flowers, and cultivate the lifecycle. So bring on the pinch of salt to add spice to our life.

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Wishing you the Sweetest Birthday and Happiest of Anniversaries, Hun. I’m blessed to spend today with you, and looking forward to all the days that will follow.

XO Paula ❤

#AtoZChallenge Z is for Zen


To end the A to Z Challenge I suggest everyone go find their Zen

For me right now it’s cuddled on the couch watching Doctor Who with my guy by my side and sipping a cup of tea out of my favorite coffee mug. 

Enjoy your weekend! ❤️

Remember…

When thoughts from your past
float through the atmosphere,
invading the quiet crevices of your mind,
they tend to leave little remnants behind.

Unbeknownst to you, they seep on through
taking hold at the most inopportune times,
a nagging reminder that you must address,
unless you choose to acquiesce.

Why is it within moments of pure joy and bliss
fear, worry, doubt, and unworthiness set in
What fans the burning fires of the flames
Is it within ourselves that we should lay blame

Self sabotage, wreaking havoc
lay it all to rest
snuff out the burning ember,
and please try to remember…

You deserve this happiness

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photo credit: Cover via photopin (license)

Monday Musings, our 1st Valentine’s Day

Another glorious Monday morning has graced us, and although it’s slightly snowing, and will probably continue into the evening on and off, I still think it’s a wonderful day. Just as this weekend, although frigid temperatures plagued any outdoor activities, was a wonderful one as well.

It was Valentine’s Day/Weekend afterall, and it was our first Valentine’s Day together. Although we didn’t spend it alone, it really was time well spent. It was Dave’s weekend with his boys and we spent it watching movies, baking, relaxing and spending some quality time together. Temps outside were 0° and felt even colder, and with his youngest having asthma, as well as myself although mine is controlled, we decided we would spend the weekend inside.

Friday evening when I arrived at Dave’s house after picking up some extra goodies at the food store, I started to unpack some of the bags, but before I had a chance he quietly grabbed my arm and ushered me to the kitchen table where waiting for me was the most beautiful bouquet of flowers, a card, and a box of chocolates.

“I tried getting you daffodils, I know they’re your favorite, but they were very hard to find.”

Daffodils or not, this was simply a wonderful Valentine’s Day present. I don’t need, want or expect extravagant gifts, I much more prefer something that comes from the heart, and I know that anything Dave gives me, is from his heart. Some may say it’s not Valentine’s Day gifts if you exchange it before hand. BS I say, especially this time, Dave hasn’t been feeling too well the last few days, and honestly had he left the house on Sunday to go get me something I would have been more upset than getting a gift on Friday night. Honestly, it’s Valentine’s Day, but with any great relationship, Valentine’s is celebrated every day. With us, that’s exactly what it’s like.

After a quick dinner Friday night, some time watching Myth Busters, and then as the boys were all tucked into bed, my Valentine made me some special hot cocoa with the cutest strawberry marshmallow floating atop. All within my newest favorite mug he got me a few weeks ago. image

Saturday we basically spent the day in pajamas, watching the Kids Baking Challenge on Food Network and some DIY & Science channel shows. Dave’s oldest son loves cooking and baking and I’ve gotten him interested in watching the cooking shows, and both boys love the science shows so it was a nice relaxing day. We even baked heart shaped cookies, that came out more tie-dyed than red, and an extra special cookie I made for Dave.

imageTrying to keep Dave from seeing it as it baked in the oven was a task within itself, and it worked for the most part, until I took it out of the oven and had it cooling on the cookie rack. While I was upstairs changing the laundry I hear Dave “wait a second, don’t eat those, I think Paula made that for me.” Then I hear giggles from the boys. Yep they must have seen the I ❤ U cookies I made for him.

When I came into the kitchen he’s holding the I and says “Is this for me?” with the biggest grin on his face. I said no it’s for the kittens and we both laughed, as Lilo and Stitch were circling our feet.

Sunday morning, we were woken up by two little boys at 7 am, who couldn’t sleep. So we were all up at the crack of dawn watching Simon’s Cat video clips on, N’s iPad. Finally leaving to go downstairs for some breakfast, the boys wanted to help cook with Dave but we made it a team effort as usual. Boys set the table, Dave and I made breakfast, he even tried to make my coffee for me.

” I had all intentions of coming downstairs to make you breakfast this morning and bring it upstairs to you, I would have even tried to make your coffee. Although I’d probably screw it up. But that was before the kids came in to wake us up. I hope you don’t mind?”

Did I mind? Nope not at all. The intentions were there, the thought was there, and I’m glad he didn’t make my coffee. Just imagine what it would have tasted like. Haha. Especially since my morning pot of coffee was the last of my 1/2 caff espresso pull from the coffee shop. What would I have done without my coffee?!

I just looked at him, pulled him close and gave him a big kiss. We hear giggles from the den, they must have caught us in the act. Yep it’s Valentine’s Day, Every day ,with us. This just so happens to be our first official one.

Happy 1st Valentine’s Day, Hun. I’m so glad I get to spend these days with you. ❤

Happy Valentines Day 

 

In the simple random moments quietly together as we’re cooking a meal together, or between the kids talking in the background, we share these times and I feel that deep connection with you.  

It’s not the earth shattering kind of stories people tell the tales of but it is our story and it shakes my soul to the core. Because in those times together with you, in your arms, my dreams become reality. It’s not perfection but it’s perfectly our moment.  ❤️