In the simple random moments quietly together as we’re cooking a meal together, or between the kids talking in the background, we share these times and I feel that deep connection with you.
It’s not the earth shattering kind of stories people tell the tales of but it is our story and it shakes my soul to the core. Because in those times together with you, in your arms, my dreams become reality. It’s not perfection but it’s perfectly our moment. ❤️
I have often found deep wisdom withi the teachings of, Rumi. This little gem is no exception.
We must be willing to tear down the walls and constant barriers we build up around ourselves in guises of protection, and keep open hearts and minds for letting love flow freely to and from us.
Only then will we be truly capable of giving and receiving the love we so rightfully deserve.
❤️
I am far from a relationship expert, but I have quite a few years and experiences behind me to know a few things. To learn from the past and have that ah ha moment hit you over the head when you see something happening with your own relationships, and with those relationships around you. Not to the point where you pass judgement, but to the point where if you are asked questions, opinions, or advice you can give it because you’ve been there.
I see to many women, myself included at one point or another, who for whatever reasons self esteem or unworthiness included, they put too much value in what others think of them. Don’t ever base your self worth upon someone else’s ideology of you. Embrace your badassness, curves, hair, the crook of your lip, or tilt of your nose. You are who you are and no one should make you want change yourself.
You should only want to make changes because YOU do, not to appease someone else. Not because someone thinks it will be better for you. Or because someone assumes your weight, height, or color of your hair determines the person you are. All those things are superficial.
All too often I see women who fall into the trap of feeling the need to conform to the pressure of change. Sure a healthy lifestyle is optimal. Be healthy, happy, comfortable, and confident as the woman you are. Don’t let a man dictate how you should look or how you should view yourself. Never base your self worth on the worthiness others might place on you. I will also add, as a woman, if you don’t want to be criticized, ridiculed, or picked apart like a piece of meat, don’t do it to men either. It’s a two way street. Don’t try to change him and he shouldn’t try to change you. If you prefer a particular look or feel in a partner, then seek that kind of partner, but first…
Be that kind of partner.
If you want a like minded partner, you first must be at that stage in your life. If you want a man that has his shit together, then be a woman who has her shit together. If you want a man that is your equal, then be his equal. If you want a man who is healthy, happy, comfortable in his body, and appearance…then you need to be accepting of yourself as well.
“I don’t want a partner to complete me, I want a partner to complement me. One who enhances the best of me, and I of them!”
I have over the years heard things like:
“I want a guy that I can hang out with, one who is exciting and likes to go places like on an adventure”
I would like to ask…are you a woman who does that stuff on your own already and are looking for a guy to join you? Or are you a woman who wants this to happen but the only way it will is if you have someone encourage you or push you to do it?
If your answer is the latter, then my dear you need to work on yourself. Don’t wait for someone to come into your life to do it for you.
If you want to go on adventures, if you want to go on a road trip, or dancing in the city. GO AND DO IT! Be that woman on your own! You can do it. You have it in you. You just need to get off your ass and find a way to light your own spark.
Nothing wrong with doing new things with your partner by any means. You might find some fun activity you never knew before. But for heavens sake, if you have dreams of doing something, something you think your passionate about…
Don’t wait for Mr. Right to help you achieve it. Work towards it yourself. The old saying, confidence is key, really is a gem. Because confident women, really are bad ass women who respect themselves, and go after what they want. They are comfortable in their own skin, they strive to be the best self possible.
This may seem like a random post starting off about relationship dynamics to self respect and self esteem, but in reality they are intricately linked together. For if you are not projecting your best self, you can not attract the best in others. If you need a partner to make you the person you think you should be, you need to reevaluate your life’s path. Work on your best self, whatever you want her to be. If you want her to be an adventurer, a self confident woman in her own skin, an entertainer, a risk taker, a lover, a well rounded happy, healthy, woman. Then do what you need to do to get her to her prime position. There’s nothing wrong with enhancing who you are by the people you surround yourself with and who you have relationships with, but don’t rely on them to make you the person you want to be.
Be her, on your own.
Dave and I have been experimenting in the kitchen a lot lately. 99% of our experiments turn out fantastic (to us) and most of the people we are cooking for if it’s not just us. We enjoy the time spent side by side mixing up something special to eat. It’s not always perfection, and sometimes he likes to add red pepper flakes to meatballs or something else we’re making and he can annoy me because I’m so used to doing something one particular way, but at the end of it all, I wouldn’t want it any other way.
This past weekend we were at it again, and decided to whip up some New England Clam Chowder. Neither of us had ever made it before, but we’ve eaten it plenty of times. I went to the fish market and picked up a dozen chowder clams, when we were getting ready to shuck them, we didn’t have a shucker. So hammer and butter knife and two sets of hands were going to have to work. It did, but after 17 clams ( the fish monger gave me more than the dozen I paid for thankfully) there wasn’t all that much in way of clams. So we went to the food store and picked up a can of Cento brand clams. Good idea because it helped make this chowder nice, thick, and hearty. Every bite had a decent amount of clams, you certainly weren’t missing them.
**I made this recipe gluten free because of my gluten sensitivity, but you can substitute regular all purpose flour. 
*When we made this recipe we had intentions of using fresh clams like I mentioned above. If you would like to do the same, follow recipe instructions as listed above. If you don’t want to shuck your clams use 2~ 10 oz cans of whole baby clams and you will yield the same results.*
Peel, wash, dice, and cook your potatoes till almost fork tender but not fully cooked. Cook bacon until crispy, chop and set aside. Chop ham into bite sized pieces if using and set aside.
In a stock pot or dutch oven, over low heat melt butter, then saute onions until golden brown. Once onions have the right color, add bacon, ham, black pepper, and crushed red pepper. Saute about 3 min, then sprinkle in flour and cook for 7 minutes; stirring constantly.
Raise heat to low~medium, add half & half, chicken broth, and cooked potatoes. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer about 10 minutes; stirring frequently.
Add the canned clams with their juice, fresh clams (if you are using), bottled clam juice, and lemon juice. Simmer 10 minutes, stirring occasionally.
Serve with gluten free crackers or bread and enjoy. Makes 6 servings.
I love watching you sleep
thinking the things that you might think
swirling around in your mind countless times
The crook of your lip arching slightly upward
the wrinkles around your nose paint a picture of peace
the lines framing your eyes like soft brush strokes of a masterpiece
I find joy and peace within your presence
as the moonlight cascades across your frame, you remain in quiet slumber
I dare not to wake you but I can’t resist the temptation you present
Warmth from you radiates across the cool bed sheets
Longing to wrap myself within your embrace, I gently slip into your waiting arms
nuzzled up against your chest, your grasp tightens with a gentleness only you possess.
So what do you do when you accidentally click on that Facebook message you never expected to get?
You’re just sitting there working on your blog post on your laptop and your phone gets a Facebook messenger notice that your girlfriend wrote to you. You haven’t spoken in a while so you’re excited to see what she’s got to say so you quickly open the app up, and before you even know what happened, you’re not reading her message.
The thoughts that run through your head…
Where the hell did THAT come from?
WTF did I just do?
Why is he messaging me?
What’s the real reason behind the message?
Ugh, now he sees I opened it, do I reply, or not?
Ok it’s not earth shattering news for damn sure, but it makes you think. Once the initial confusion wears off, I mean it has been a few years since we’ve talked so it gets my gears working. Turning. Thinking. Seeing the name in the message, after taking a few blinks of the eyes, and then re reading the short sentence, realizing it came in last Thursday. My mind turns to wonder. Analyzing the sentence. Simple. To the point. But why?
Hmm…
Facebook even says he’s in my contacts. Well that’s odd, because he hasn’t been in my iPhone contacts in quite some time, unless it’s because we used to be Facebook friends as well. Questions.
But the one question I keep coming back to is why?
Why send a message like that, it wasn’t really necessary. I mean if you think of it, if I came up as a suggestion there isn’t any way for me to know that until you make me aware of it. He could have very well saw the suggestion and moved on to something else. I’m sure we all get those suggestions, but it doesn’t mean we need to start reaching out to people.
Let me just say, I’m over this experience. It’s in the past and it should stay as such. I don’t regret it, because simply put it brought me to the place I am in right now. So now the question remains…do I reply and engage in conversation?
Answering questions sometimes leads to conversations and I really don’t have anything to say or talk about. Except I can answer his question as simple and truthful as possible.
I’m doing great, thank you!
I never really put much thought into May~ December romances, that is until it was pointed out to me that I’m involved in one.
Seriously speaking though, I don’t see it that way. Dave is a few years older than I, to be exact he’s 10 years older. Whatever 😉
I don’t see his or my age as a significant factor in our relationship. In fact, it’s a non issue. Except for his birthday, the day I walked into his store and I realized it was him all along. It was the only day and time that it made a difference, because I laughed out loud at the fact that the Happy 50th Birthday balloon was for him. How the hell could it be HIS 50th Birthday. It’s also our anniversary. So his birthday is significant, his age however means nothing.
As it should be.
I’ve heard numerous times that relationships with age gaps can’t last. That each person is involved for some specific gain. And happiness isn’t it.
Give me an effing break.
Ok I’ve made judgement on relationships based on a presumption of how people interact with each other. But only upon KNOWING each person in that relationship, as individuals and as a couple. Then and only then can you come to an opinion, but remember the saying about opinions 😉 And depending on how they act, you can see that someone is a gold digger, or a sugar daddy/mama, or any of the other names you can drum up. Sure everyone wants something from a relationship, and there are SOME people who are purely selfish.
That selfishness doesn’t only rear it’s ugly head in May~ December romances. I see plenty of selfish people who are “age appropriately” dating. You know within a 5 year age gap, perhaps. They have visible and sometimes not to visible signs of taking advantage of their significant other. Over the top expectations, demanding ways, etc.
Assumptions based on pure imagination makes one wonder why people are assuming in the first place. Where do you fit into that relationship? What gives you the right to make a judgement or assume what the foundation of that relationship is about?
Nowhere and nothing. Those are the answers to those questions.
The assumptions passed on our relationship, ironically made by only one person, so honestly not much validity there. In fact none whatsoever. Really take on a spiteful tone, one of selfishness it its own right. Sadly it needs to be discussed. Not to give that person a spotlight but to shine upon them the fact that making judgements on a person you don’t even know, let alone never met, says more about the person who’s making the comments than it does about who they’re talking about.
To say I don’t bring anything to the table but sex is pure hilarity. I mean look at me, I bring a hell of a lot, and then some. Maybe, just maybe that is a part of it. People who know me, already know that there is so much more to me than what meets the eye. They know who I really am. My mother raised a strong, independent woman, a woman who does not need to rely on others for the things she wants and needs. That does not mean being harsh and cruel, just being self reliant. My wise mother once said, “Always be able to sustain yourself in any situation, because at the end of the day you may be alone in the world, and surviving on your own is necessity.” Be a woman who seeks a partner not to complete her, but to add to what is already there. People should already be complete, be whole, you must be willing to put in 100% of yourself, no less.
Men should also take that advice. Together uplift one another, be there emotionally, physically and all the ways you can be for one another. A relationship, a real one, needs more than just sex to survive. Relationships, have multiple facets to them, doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that. It does however take some common sense, and sadly that isn’t so common after all.
So the next time you see a May~December relationship, or any relationship that is not your own. Don’t pass judgement, don’t make assumptions, don’t put your two cents in unless those two cents include the words… “Congratulations, I’m happy for you.”
It’s kind of funny as I’m typing this up this morning, I hear news that Ms. Patti Labelle is showing off her new romance. 30 year difference is making headlines. You go girl. If this is true (I haven’t seen confirmation from her camp as of yet so I don’t like to assume) I say, don’t let anyone dull your moment. If doing what you’re doing is making you happy, and it brings joy to your life, don’t let any misgivings or judgements ruin your life. Live and let live. Those people who are throwing shade, really need to live their own lives. I will say it again, it must be sad to live their lives.
This guy right here, he makes me happy, I make him happy, and mixed in throughout our days we sometimes get on each others nerves. I wouldn’t have it any other way. ❤
Or at least it WAS for dinner the other night 🙂
We’ve been cooking a lot more at Dave’s lately, and it’s been fun. A little messy, and a few mishaps, but totally fun. We like to change it up a little bit, well as much as we can, having to stick to gluten free and sometimes nut free because of his youngest son, N.
We’ve often made meatloaf, and Dave loves the way we make it. Usually stuffed with a cheesy center, but this time I went a different direction. I followed a recipe a gluten free friend had shared this time last year. I had made it before, adapting to my personal tastes and it turned out well. So the other night I went a little different as well and Dave proclaimed as we were devouring the meatloaf that “You MUST remember how you made this, the type of cheese you used and everything else. This is the BEST meatloaf I’ve ever eaten and the best you’ve ever made” We also tried a recipe my friend Kathy made on New Years Eve of stuffed sweet baby peppers that she knew I could eat. They were bite-sized little flavor bombs lol so I tried to re-create them. I admit I didn’t like the way they looked while cooking in the oven, but they tasted amazeballs.
So I proceeded to jot down my adjustments to the original recipes, which you can find here and here.
Mix cheeses together and set aside 1/4 of a cup for topping
Oven times and temperatures can vary so please follow cooking instructions carefully.
*Cooking tip: I didn’t have a small dessert spoon on hand only a normal dinnerware teaspoon which I found to be too big for stuffing the small peppers. Using chopsticks, or even a small seafood spoon/fork helped fill the peppers.
I admit, they don’t look all that pretty, but like I said before they sure tasted amazing. The best part was cooking together. We have fun, get on each others nerves, ok he kinda gets on mine sometimes because I’ve never had a boyfriend who wanted to cook together and as much fun as it is because we can do it together it takes some getting used to. BUT I wouldn’t change it for the world.
It’s brought us closer together and if I could impart some relationship wisdom, I suggest cooking with your significant other once in a while. Even if you have specific ways of doing things, you can learn from each other and about each other. Plus who doesn’t like getting messy in the kitchen with your man/woman? 😉
Life as we know it is a series of events. One turn down an unknown road can lead us to places we never dreamed of. So glad I took a walk on the wild side so to speak, and headed down different roadways this past year. The paths weren’t always smooth and paved, some had potholes, cracks and crevices but others, well others were smooth(ish) sailing. And I wouldn’t change any of the moments for anything different. Without the bumps along the way, one can’t appreciate the better days ahead. And ohh how much better they were.
I envisioned my 40th year as going to be great. I was planning on taking adventures, solo, a vacation, maybe a new hobby, just doing things out of my comfort zone. I started my walks again for a few weeks out in the woods, and got bit by a tick. That totally put a damper on my vibe. I haven’t really been out there too much since then. Although all my tests came back ok, no Lyme Disease, or Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever it definitely threw me for a loop.
In May, I took a trip to Pennsylvania to visit my Sissy, Iris for her daughter E’s First Holy Communion. That trip proved to be a roller coaster of a ride with having my car literally crawling less than 5 mph on Rt. 80 over mountain terrain because it had decided to take a crap on me. Still to this day no one knows why or how or what caused it to do such a thing. But while I was there, Bella, Sissy’s oldest daughter was scrolling through my Match.com dating profile at some of the eligible men that had looked at my profile and she pointed out one very special man. Little did I know it was him all along. Someone who over the last few years I actually sort of knew.
A few little bumps along the way, particularly with a meddling person who uses the pretense of “friendship” to disguise her own deceptive, conniving, immature, and almost fatal attraction stalkerish ways to try to tear apart and place a wedge between Dave and I. But since day one we have forged a bond which only grows stronger every day, and her failed attempts to do such cruel things have no ill affects on us. For that matter, it has only made our bond stronger, and brought us closer together. Yes I’m giving her a piece of my time on this post, and I know damn well she’s reading it, but we surely don’t waste precious time or energy on the likes of her. It is funny in a way that when someone lies for their own selfish benefit, it turns out doing the complete opposite. Whatever her real intentions were, they failed miserably. It must be sad living your life like that, hurting the ones you supposedly care about. A sad, sad life indeed.
That little bump in the road, like when the highway crew just fills the potholes or the uneven lines in the roadway, you get over it move into the next lane and keep on trucking because that’s what life is all about. LIVING IT! And we are living it.
I never would have imagined my life where it is now. Dating a man who is strong, confident, caring, loving, funny as hell with a weird sense of humor, a wonderful father to his two boys, someone who I can finally wholeheartedly open my heart and mind to, and allow to help me. When I say help I mean I have been so used to doing things on my own, I am a stubborn Italian lady when it comes to doing things myself lol. But he has taught me that it’s ok to want to be able to do them myself, actually do the things myself, yet if I can’t it’s ok to ask. Like changing my tire when we were stuck in the diner parking lot after dinner with him and his boys. I was so pissed off, thinking how the hell am I going to change this tire and fix it. He stepped up with his boys and they all took the tire off, placed the spare on, and then he fixed the tire when we got back to his house. “You sure are stubborn, you don’t like to take help from people, you like to do it yourself. But sometimes you can’t, sometimes you need to say it’s ok, I can’t do it, and be ok with that.” That’s the kind of guy he is.
Being happy wasn’t on my radar this year. Not relationship wise anyway. I resigned the fact that whatever was going to happen would happen in its own time. I guess it was time.
I’ve lost touch with some very close people over the last few months. Life as we know it has taken different paths. But at the end of the day, time or distance should not break those bonds, and although the thread that ties us may shred a little, it’s never fully torn apart.
I’ve had loss of loved ones, health scares among friends, family, and myself and in those moments in time you truly know who is there for you.
I’ve cut ties with family members because at the end of the day self preservation is vital in your own well-being. Sometimes, saying goodbye to people who drain your love and good nature is the best thing for you. Negativity has no place in my world, and I don’t care, or for that matter I care too much about myself to keep negative people in my life, even if they are family.
The realization that I have neglected my blog and some of the things I enjoy has really bummed me out. Not purposefully doing so, but in enjoying life as it has been, some things have taken a backseat. Time to put them in the passenger seat with me for this ride of life. I need to get back to my writing, even if I feel I have nothing to write about. It’s good for the soul to get the words out there.
I need to get back on the trails for some more walks. I don’t do marathons, but keeping my strength up for my well being is a good thing. Slow and steady wins the race of life.
2015 has taught me as I look back upon it fondly that, Chaucer was right
“Time and tide wait for no man.”
I’ve said it before in another post, and honestly it is true. We must make the most of the time we have. We don’t want to wake up one day wishing and hoping and praying that we have more time. Now is the time to do the things you want to do.
♦Make that bucket list and do them.
♦Live your life with wild abandon, legally of course 😉
♦Do the things you want to do, even if you don’t succeed at least you can say you tried.
♦Open your heart and mind to the possibilities that lye ahead, there’s no telling where tomorrow will take you.
♦Do things that scare you. A little healthy scare out of your comfort zone is good for the soul.
♦Take that trip while you can.
♦Take that class you’ve been thinking about.
♦Go on adventures, even if it’s a road trip to nowhere.
♦Eat by yourself in a fine restaurant. Sit at at table and be served, not at the bar.
♦Disengage from electronic devices and engage with the people around you.
♦Take care of yourself first. It’s not selfish, it’s good for the soul and those you surround yourself with.
♦Be kind to one another, you never know what someone might be going through.
♦Pay it forward in any way you see fit. It could be as simple as buying a stranger a cup of coffee the next time you’re in that coffee shop.
♦Do more than just the minimum to get by in life.
♦Don’t make any New Years Resolutions, but resolve to be a better person than you were a moment ago.
♦Be in the moment. Don’t dwell on the past, you can’t change it. Don’t anticipate the future, you don’t know what it holds. The present time is all you can be wholly involved in. Make every moment count.
♦Leave the negative bumps in the road back in 2015 where they belong, and bury them, and look forward to 2016 with eyes wide open, for the possibilities are endless if you really think about it.
I wish you all much love, luck, good health, and abundant happiness in the coming year.
Santa has left the building.
He and his merry tribe of elves have outdone themselves once again. Working countless hours preparing for one day, or in some cases, mere hours. It seems to be all worth it in the end, when he lays his weary head on his Lazy-boy recliner, all wrapped up in a comfy, cozy blanket. Smiling faces, fully bellies, and hearts all around. Makes it all worth the time and effort put into it all.
Christmas this year was spread out among the Eve and into the day after, around here. I spent the Eve with my Mom & Stepdad opening presents and chatting away. It was low key, as it usually is, just the three of us in the living room, mom and I sipping coffee and, Teach watching a Mythbusters Marathon obscenely loud since he couldn’t hear it even though he was sitting right in front of the tv. Gotta love him. 🙂 We did breakfast and lunch or more like a brunch you could say, and just relaxed.
Followed by dinner that evening of gluten free baked ziti and shrimp scampi with, David. In my family, we don’t eat meat on Christmas eve and since I’m a bad Catholic, in my own opinion, the reasoning behind no meat on Christmas eve, and or during Fridays during Lenten season is from my understanding to show respect. As a child I pretty much understood it as not eating meat because Jesus sacrificed his body (flesh) for us and therefore we do not eat flesh meat.
Not everyone practices the fast on Christmas Eve, and while trying to explain the reasoning to David, who is Jewish, I felt really stupid not having a real answer. But that didn’t stop us from enjoying a nice quiet meal and some quality time together.
Christmas Day his boys came over and we baked cookies, a cake, and had a spiral ham for dinner. But we opened presents on Saturday because David’s sister and brother in law were able to join us. We all enjoyed the cookies the boys and I baked, and the cake that David and I made as well.
I have to say the cake was ahhhhhmazing. I used a boxed Pillsbury Gluten Free Funfetti cake mix, added in some extra vanilla extract and David made one layer into chocolate by adding Hershey’s unsweetened cocoa powder. Although I was a little concerned David put too much cocoa in that one layer, it really came out fantastic. We filled the cake half with some Smuckers seedless raspberry jam (because David really wanted Italian rainbow cookies and I didn’t have time or energy to make those, he asked if I could make it into a cake) and the rest with Pillsbury chocolate frosting.
The kids, who normally only like vanilla, devoured the cake lol and the cookies they helped make were no match for their tummies either. Dave’s sister and brother in law were amazed by the moistness of the cake and how the cookies were as well. They liked the sugar cookies on Hanukkah so I knew they’d be a hit on Christmas. This time I also made a chocolate chip cookie that I found on Pinterest and adapted it for gluten free. They didn’t turn out like the Pinterest picture but they were really good.
My plan was to make cookies for Dave’s sister and brother in law, and the boys mom and her boyfriend as part of their Christmas present. Thankfully I packaged those up early, and gave their mom hers when she stopped over earlier in the day. Everyone seemed to enjoy them, including her when she opened the box and snuck one out to taste. If for a brief moment I thought they were just being nice to me, their empty plates, and only 3 slices of left over cake, sure told a different story.
Christmas is a time to spend with those you love and hold dear. I was lucky to spend the holiday season with many of those people. 
Random Musings And Wanderlust 
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