Why do Boys Only Want Love If It’s Torture…

…and there in lies the problem~

Boys cleverly disguised as men. Let me preface by saying I do not think all men are alike. I sing praises of men who actually take the high road and responsibility of being true to themselves and women in their lives.

Take a look here

But for a vast majority of men, there is a predominant feeling that love ( or romantic relationships in general ) have to be difficult.

Why? 

It really is a conundrum and one I’m sure I will never fully grasp. It boggles my mind that so many men who say they want love, a relationship, companionship, truth, no drama etc do so many things to sabotage their chances of this success.

Yes I’m sure there are women who do the same thing but for this posts purpose I’m talking men.

They are setting themselves up for failure before they even begin, and in turn are setting up unsuspecting women who believe their truthfulness.

I’m not talking about the guys who outright just cut to the chase and ask for sex or make their intentions known. NOT that they are a gem either, but at least you know from the start where they are coming from and what they ultimately want.

And Yes we all want to get to that point in a relationship..key word is relationship, get to know each other, go out a while, see if that spark is there, and if it is well lets hope for some fireworks and all the fanfare. 

Yet as women, ok me personally, I don’t want to be the type of woman who sees all men as assholes, only looking for one thing, liars, cheats and any other adjective you can think of. But there is overwhelming proof that a large majority of men want or maybe need relationships to be difficult. Or at least in some of my dealings, and hearings from other single women, it happens more often than not.

For the most part I’ve been lucky. Yes, even lucky in my unlucky in love, life. Why? Because I haven’t had too many of these instances where boys are disguised as men. It happens, a few do slip through the cracks, and when it happens it really pisses me off.

I don’t have a type that I adhere to. I’m not searching for blonde hair, 5’11’, green eyes blah blah blah type of guy. What I’m searching for is a guy who I really can make a connection with. YES attraction is an extremely vital component to this, so is that ever elusive spark we all search for. But if your ass is looking for the spark you miss, from the first girl you kissed, when you were 10!! Then you need to reevaluate what your needs are. Again, the boy in the mans body.

Why is it that when you are in possession of a good thing you become destructive and ruin it?

Boys only want love if it’s torture.

A song by a pop princess but oh boy does she make a stunningly impressive observation on what is so predominant in today’s society. In fact, it’s been prevailing in society for far too long.

I just don’t quite understand the reasons behind it, and I’m sure I never will completely.

I’ve been told ~ “It’s all part of dating. That’s what dating is. Weeding out the assholes, finding the real ones, hoping that you don’t fall for a line this or that”

Maybe part of it is true. I just can’t understand why anyone, man or woman, would want love, or relationships in general to be difficult. Why put yourself, if not the other person, through that kind of torture?

• Are they self-destructive?
• Do they feed on the craziness?
• Do they feel that they don’t deserve love and happiness?
• Is it a self sabotage kind of thing?
• Or are they just really uncaring, yet really good at playing the role of a person seeking a healthy relationship?

I’m far from thinking it’s not my choices, although I have to admit, I don’t make the same choices over and over again. Meaning I don’t choose the same type of guy each time. Hardly ever is there anything in common with the men I date. I really do try to mix things up in my dating life. So when things don’t go exactly like I’d hope, I’m not totally surprised. But then there are those moments of sheer WTF’ness that have me scratching my head saying~ seriously what just happened here?!?!

You have these seemingly amazing connections with certain men, you discuss doing things in the future, you meet their friends, their family, all those things you’d hope for, then the rug gets pulled out from under you. Or you go out with a guy half a dozen times, always have a great time, looking forward to the next date, things are moving along nicely and then bam they pull the fade away. Many different scenarios, either they have an epiphany or who knows what and then just do a 180, and it all ends up with you wanting to pull your own hair out. Then you think, maybe…

I’ve had my moments where I withdraw from the dating sites, and just dating in general, but I don’t want to think of all men as dirty rotten scoundrels just looking to jump into bed with the next unsuspecting woman they can pull the wool over their eyes. I always try to see the good, the possibilities, the hope, in others. I don’t look at them all the same, yet, over the last few months, I have this gut feeling that more and more of them are the same. I don’t quite like that feeling. But I’m a big proponent of listening to my gut. The big thing is, my gut hasn’t given me those feelings lately in my dating life. Although if I do get some twinge of uncomfortableness, lately I’ve been learning to put my thoughts and feelings out there and ask.

I don’t want to be a bitch, I mean it’s not that hard to do, but what do I get in return for being that way? I can be evil and conniving, and just down right degrading, but I don’t want to be that way. Yeah I’m a nice girl. Maybe that’s my problem too. But I don’t want a guy who wants love if it’s torture. I want a man who wants love and a relationship because he knows he deserves it just as much as I do, one who is willing to work on the difficult things, not create them.

Maybe that’s part of the problem too? Or maybe I’m….

Those are my Random Musings and Wanderlust for today… 🙂

Cute, goatee, pink sake bottle drinking guy ;-)

So I’m out to dinner, alone. Not an uncommon thing. I usually enjoy it. It’s a comfortable place to be…usually. As I sit amongst the sea of coupledom, and beyond, I notice my uncomfortableness start to increase.

Is it gluten?

Did I eat something that’s not agreeing with me?

Is it hot in here?

No. It’s just me. Uncomfortable in a seemingly normal situation for myself.

I usually enjoy these moments of solitude. Today not so much. I can’t really explain what it is but it’s unsettling. Have I become less of that independent woman who enjoys doing things alone? Can’t put my finger on it. Maybe, just maybe it’s me.

As I take moments between sipping my miso soup, and gazing at the crowd… Yes, it’s totally me.

There’s a table, about 2-3 away from me, filled with three guys. The table separating us is empty, but most of the restaurant is full, except for a few random spots like this. They’re enjoying each others company, joking, laughing, eating, and drinking sake. Each time I look up from my phone, over the rim of my glasses, cute, goatee guy, with the seemingly frosted pink bottle of Bèni-Mansaku (just checked the menu for that one) keeps smiling.

He’s alone now, but keeps smiling.

Holy crap is he flirting?

Nah never happens and I sure as shit never notice it. It ALWAYS goes right over my head.

I’m the one who’s girlfriends tell her hours later a guy was flirting while out at the bar. I never pick up on this. So no it can’t be.

Maybe he has a nervous tick?

Maybe he feels bad for the girl out eating all alone?

Yeah that has to be it.

Thankful for my phone…because cute, goatee, pink sake bottle, drinking guy is making me blush. I’m actually afraid to make eye contact, or even let him notice that I notice him.

I’m like a freaking school girl!!

Ok channel your inner Taylor Swift and shake, shake, shake it off.

I know my friends would say “What are you doing on your phone? Stop writing! Put it down and flirt!!”

I probably should, they just got their bill, but he keeps looking and smiling.

Maybe I’m becoming more aware of the things around me and they make me uncomfortable. Not exactly sure.

I was asked to blog about a risk I took and what good came of it.I haven’t been risky enough in my life over the years.

Maybe I need to take more risks and flirt back.

Holy crap. Can I actually do that? Maybe, just maybe I have it in me.

I’m putting down the phone. And hope that the newly seated people between us don’t think I’m gazing at them.

It’s what’s behind you I’m interested in…

Those are my Random Musings and Wanderlust for today. 🙂