Hold up, wait a minute! Where did the time go?

There are times in life when you just have to say, “Hold up, wait a minute! Where did the time go?”

I’ve found myself saying that at least once a week over the last few months. I’ve wanted to write. I’ve needed to write. BUT, I could not bring myself to do it. Why? I haven’t a clue. I mean I do have somewhat of a clue, like the simple fact that by the time the end of the day hit, dinner was made, the house was cleaned, errands were run, people were visited, and life was in full swing…I was exhausted. Completely drained. And in some cases, in a lot of pain. I can put on a brave face, and try to look fine, and in most cases I succeed. Then there are days I just want to sit in my leggings and scroll the newsfeeds, get caught in the sickness of politics, life in the outside world, and forget what it is that’s bothering me at the moment. Hey at least I got out of my pajamas, and changed clothes, amiright?

Then there are the moments I have an idea, a spark of something to write about, and then I self censor. The critic inside my head has much to say.

“No one wants to read this or that. It’s not interesting. It’s not relevant. It’s not good enough. It’s boring. It’s not funny enough. It’s not thought provoking. It’s not timely. People don’t even see your posts. It just sucks.

That’s when I cave. I give in to the negativity, I give in to the inner critic. The critic that really sucks in it self.

Then there are the moments when I run into people and they ask me,

“How come I haven’t seen your blog posts? Am I not looking in the right place? Am I missing it in my newsfeed? Have you stopped writing? I haven’t seen you at the coffee shop, where you normally write from. Where have you been?

I’ve hit a wall I’ve often said. I feel there isn’t much to write about right now. Life has drained my energy level and I don’t have it in me to write anymore. But that’s not always true. I have it in me, but I feel it’s not good enough. I should just say screw it, put it to page, and let it happen. I’ve wanted to write about our vacations this summer and fall, the places we’ve seen, the food we’ve eaten, and yet when I go to write, I’m stopping myself.

That’s when it hit me. New Year’s Eve.

The ball had dropped, Mariah Carey had a meltdown of sorts ( I actually was enjoying our company and didn’t pay much attention to the Dick Clark Rockin Eve celebration until the last 30 seconds or so) and it occurred to me…

What the fuck am I waiting for? Nike slogan ran through my head…Just do it! Who cares who reads it. Who cares if it’s good to someone else. Who cares if it’s funny, interesting, relevant, thought provoking. It may not be today, but it may be in a few months, or weeks or even years. And then even if it never is any of the above, Who the fuck cares. It’s good enough for me, it’s good for my soul, it gives me lightness, it gives me peace and it’s good enough for me.

Now here we are on the brink of a new year. No resolutions, just go with the flow and enjoy the moment.

Happy New Year. Happy days of writing whatever the heck I want to write about, if I want to write about it. If you read it, I appreciate it and thank you from the bottom of my heart. If you don’t read it, I appreciate that as well, and thank you from the bottom of my heart. image

Advertisements

Blazing inferno

IMG_0229

Sitting quietly, sipping a cappuccino, Johnny Cash’s One Piece at a Time playing in the background

I’m gazing out the window, looking for a sign of what to write.

Inspire me! I yell under my breath.

Where is that spark I’m needing to ignite this fire?

It’s there, I know it, hiding quietly behind its cloak of secrecy, toying with my psyche

The days go by in a blur, one melding into the next

How did I get here?

How did I come this far?

Snap out of it! The headlights scream back at me, as they flicker in the dreary light , zooming past one by one

Then a lull and an eerie bleakness permiates the atmosphere

Green

Yellow

Red

Flashes in the distance, as we follow with intent.

The rush of wind whipping across wheels, sloshing through the rain, spraying with delight across the pavement

Where are we going?

How long till we get there?

Time keeps rushing, faster, faster, faster

Take a moment and surrender

Before we know it time has passed us by, and we’ll soon ask again…

How did we get here?

Life is not worth living, if we are living it in a blur.

Let it all sink in

Bask in the delight that surrounds us daily.

Embrace the little sparks that appear along the way, and turn them into that blazing inferno!

My apologies, and thank you!

photo credit: SORRY- National Sorry Day  2015,   Sorry Day Flowers    "such unthinkable theft " via photopin (license)

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been experiencing a major slowdown of the blog. Not my intentions at all. There were days and weeks where I was uninspired, having writers block, or just a sheer meltdown of technology on my end. WordPress has given me some issues, combined with some internet issues with the new computer and WiFi complications when I took an unexpected weekend trip across the LI Sound, to Connecticut.

Things on the technology front seem to be moving along in the right direction, just needing to readjust the WiFi settings on the laptop a little and fix things with WordPress not bouncing me out of my account no matter how often I try to fix things. Nothing like logging in, working on a post, saving it as you go, only to have WordPress log you out of your account and tell you that your password is wrong, and lose all your work!

Thanks WordPress!

As for the inspiration, or my inspiration, things are also moving along in a better, more productive direction. Still having my moments, but I’ve got a few things in the works, and some posts which had been left over in my drafts may be making an appearance in a few days. Just trying to tweak things a bit.

Now I can blame all the technology issues on Mercury being in Retrograde from May 18th – June 11th 2015 (although I do believe all my technology issues are related to this retrograde…from my car issues on May 8th, because Retrograde can happen a few days before and after the 8 week period, to the wi-fi laptop issues all jumbled up) Retrograde has been very nice to me in other aspects. On May 18th I walked through the door I have often walked through but with very pleasant surprises. So it’s not all the bad it’s cracked up to be, so far 😉

Again I just wanted to take the time to apologize for neglecting the blog, replying to comments that have gotten lost in the sauce, and general bad blogging interaction/etiquette on my part. Some of it has been out of my control, but hopefully all is back on track.

Thank you for sticking around 🙂

photo credit: N04/5667529239″>SORRY- National Sorry Day 2015, Sorry Day Flowers “such unthinkable theft ” via photopin (license)

If we were having coffee, the “There’s No Place Like Home” edition

  If we were having coffee I’d say it’s nice to be home. Although I miss my Sissy and her family, there’s no place like home…

Pull up a chair, make yourself comfortable, and grab a cuppa your favorite drink. I’m having an iced coffee with caramel sauce and a dusting of unsweetened cocoa powder. It’s a little damp and chilly today, but hot coffee would be to warm.

I’m at the local coffee shop, hoping for a little spark of inspiration. This is usually a place I get some creativity, but maybe my well is running a bit dry. I thought my trip to Pa would have sparked something but that fell short too.

Maybe I’m trying too hard? Maybe I’m focusing too much on getting the spark back? Maybe I need a break? But I feel I’ve taken far too long of a break at this time. I think my expectations are getting the best of me. I know I’m probably worrying too much about all of it I’m sure.

How has your week been? Anything new or interesting happening? Any fun plans for the weekend?

I was hoping to get out on one of the trails this weekend but with the rainy weather I’m not so sure it will happen. But my hopes are still up for tomorrow. I miss the great outdoors. I had wanted to get some nature photos and a few walks in the mountains this past week while in Pa but things didn’t go as I envisioned. With all the stress over car trouble it kind of took a back seat.

IMG_5626I did however get my hair highlighted. It was an experience to say the least. At my age I’ve never highlighted my hair, colored it fully, yes but never highlights. It wasn’t what I expected and honestly I hated it lol. Live and learn, and you don’t know till you try it. Right? My Sissy and her daughter, Bella liked it.  However once I got home and sported it around town for a few days, it was quite clear that my idea of the “orange brassy tones” were definitely there.

I sure as heck wasn’t seeing things.

Today I tried to fix it, and although it’s not the best, it is better than what it was. It does look better in person than in this photo thankfully. Oddly enough, the dye I used to fix what had been done, didn’t even take on my roots (which didn’t get much of the highlights on them to begin with anyway) So it still looks like I need to dye my hair, but because I’m not ready to go short yet or lose any hair, I’ll have to wait a little longer. I’m getting used to the colors that are there now.

Tomorrow I’m planning on going to the outdoor farmers market, grabbing some of my favorite Greek yogurt, and maybe taking a walk down in the village for a while. Get some me time in, I think it will do me good, and give me a little reboot to say the least.

I finally caught up on Once Upon a Time and wow I’m impressed with this season and obviously can’t wait till next season starts. As for Mad Men, the final episode airs this Sunday, and it’s bittersweet. Some of the episodes this season are leaving me annoyed, but I wont go into detail because I know a lot of folks haven’t caught up just yet. I just hope that the final episode lives up the the series and does it justice. We shall see…

I’m off to catch up on Grimm, since I’ve neglected a lot of television viewing this past season. So off I go with my cup of tea to end the night. I hope you all have a great weekend and you should check out the other bloggers who participate in the Weekend Coffee Share linky, hosted by Part Time Monster.

If we were having coffee ~ The new beginning edition.

IMG_5148If we were having coffee, I’d tell you to make yourself comfortable, grab a comfy seat and something yummy to drink. I’m having an iced coffee with some homemade caramel sauce, and unsweetened cocoa powder. Not too sweet, but just right. Make it an extra-large while you’re at it please. Don’t judge me 😉

So tell me how was your week? Any interesting or exciting things happen? Or how about this weekend? Hopefully it’s been a good one so far and continues to be.

I know for me I was able to get in some nice trail walks during the week and this weekend. I met up with my one friend whom I haven’t seen in about two months, and we hit a pretty difficult trail on Friday. It was a bit more than we bargained for, since it was a decent amount of time since our last real trail walk/hike.

Out of breath on the steep steps, and elevations that we came across. We expected the terrain, not our need for a few stops along the way to catch our breath. Just means, for me, I need to get my butt back out there again and get back on track. I feel better when I’m out there and getting back into the routine again will not only lift my spirits, but also get me back in shape.

I’ve gained 6 pounds since October, and although it may not seem like a significant amount, it truly is a difference that I physically feel. And oddly enough, while on our walk I was explaining to my friend, that years ago, while at my heaviest, I don’t think I was physically aware of how a few pounds extra made me feel. Here I am now, months after feeling the healthiest I’ve felt in years, and boy do I totally feel a difference with 6 pounds. It’s that little smack in the head, or ass, waking me up.

About this time, I’d offer you a refill or a little treat if you’d like. You know me I get long-winded when we talk.

I’d also let you know that the A to Z Challenge has finally come to an end. You can find all my posts, which I incorporated into my Z post  ~ This Zaftig Girl Rocks ~  I admit it’s bittersweet seeing it come to an end. I have to say I’m also damn proud of myself for signing up to begin with, as it was my first challenge ever, for doing a post daily (I had nothing planned out ahead, and although I had some ideas for certain letters, sometimes those ideas didn’t come to fuition for various reasons) I’m proud of the quality of work I produced, and even if not that many people saw some of my posts…there were well over 1500 bloggers participating…Those that did stop by for a like, comment, tweet or facebook etc share are greatly appreciated. I found a few new blogs to follow along the way as well through the month-long challenge and I was hoping to do a round-up of them here but life got in the way the last few days…Doesn’t it always? I will attempt to do it soon. In the meantime check out my O post…Open House, where some A to Z’ers and other blog friends joined in a blog party of sorts.

IMG_5140I would also let you know that I got my blood work, and the tests on Tony the Tempermental Tick back, and we are both Negative for Lyme’s Disease, and Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever.

Wooohooo Happy Dance.

Ok I have to say, I knew this for a few days before telling anyone. Why, you might ask. Because I was worried there would be some mistake in the labwork and they would end up calling me back to tell me there was a mistake. A few days passed and all seems to be good. The bite is taking a little longer to heal after the other doctor went gaga over poking and prodding, but it seems to be doing ok considering.

I took a few days off from blogging to kinda get my bearings straight in the direction of where I want to go with the blog. Obviously I always write about Random Musings and Wanderlust (just a little less on the Wanderlust than I’d like) and I will be sticking to that theme so to speak. I guess devoting my posting to A to Z really put me in a different headspace, with those letter prompts for each day, I think I kinda lost myself in the alphabet. It was good to keep the creativity flowing, until I hit W, and Writers Block set in. I think I’m coming out of the other side of it slowly but surely but it still is a little bit of a stumper.

So here’s to the wildly interesting ride ahead of me (us).

I’m going to head outside, it’s absolutely beautiful out and I need to get out there and be one with nature. You can hang around a little longer if you’d like, I’ll be back… 😉

The Weekend Coffee Share is hosted by Part Time Monster. Grab a cuppa whatever your pleasure and head on over to the Coffee Share on her blog or by clicking on the “Linky“, to check out the other great bloggers who are sharing a cup this weekend.

A to Z Challenge, This Zaftig girl ROCKS!

Autoschediastic by nature
with an inner Beauty flowing forth,
only by balancing her Chakras
will her Dreams become reality

A strong Epithymy for the deepest wants and needs,
this Fit Fat Fabulous Female
who is strictly Gluten Free
finds pleasure and Happiness in the most peculiar things

Her Intuition and Instincts must be set free
As she’s Jammin along to this thing called life
She never lets the Keraunophobia or other fears
stand in the way of pure Limerance

With a strong will and Motivation
instilled years before from her Nonna
she will forever Open her house and heart
to those wandering souls of the world

Pluviophile at heart
and a self-proclaimed Quirky girl
forever with Romance on her mind,
Self confidence and Typhlobasia will remain her work of art

Unbroken by the trials of life
but suffering a case of Vernalagnia
and sometimes, Writers block
she often has needs for an Xscape

With no need for men
who are Yemeles with their kisses
This Zaftig girl
ROCKS!

d519060e0b5538e71d0bb859d586f485d29a0fc503754d575379443363dc2d65The final post for the April 2015 A to Z challenge is brought to you by the letter Z.

ZAFTIG~ A woman possessing a voluptuous figure, curvaceous, plump, 1930s: Yiddish, from German saftig ‘juicy.’

A to Z challenge. W is for Writers Block. 

It’s finally hit.

The wall.

A case of Writers block. My inspiration seems to have dried up. Hopefully just momentarily. I pondered writing about Wanderlust but even that is evading my weary mind.

Too much swirling around and yet not enough of what I want to be thinking about. I worked last night to write the post that branched off from weekend coffee share but it’s not sitting well with me.

Unfinished.

Left in limbo.

A parallel of how I’m viewing my life right now. Seems fitting. But not acceptable.

I think it’s also a case of having my rhythm interrupted. I usually find inspiration late at night when things quiet down. At the local coffee shop. And on the trails.

But after my recent tick bite, I’ve avoided the trails, even when the weather has been decent enough. My other moments of creative inspiration seem to have taken an abrupt stop today as well. Too much interference, interruptions, distractions.

I need a RM&W cave lol. Like a man cave but for me to escape when I need to. One of those little reclusive spots in the back yard away from distractions. Yep I need one of these.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2692921/Blotto-grotto-5-000-wine-bottles-shortlisted-alongside-Dads-Army-museum-It-Shed-Year-competition.html

 

  • Do you have a specific location/time that you do your writing?
  • What do you do if your mojo gets interrupted? How do you find it again?
  • Any rituals to help the creativity flow when you’re feeling a little less inspired?

So I guess in retrospect, my mojo of inspiration, although not what I expected for today, turned out to inspire a little piece for today’s post anyway.

I also think I may have a future project on my hands and a few trips to the home improvement store ahead of me. I have two sheds in the back yard, and although they have been severely damaged by Hurricane Sandy, I may have a bit of inspiration to renovate them into my RM&W space…. Now just to find the extra money to do such a project. Until then, I’ll just seek inspiration in other forms. Hopefully they appear soon.

 

Today’s A to Z Challenge post is brought to you by the letter W. W for Writers Block!!