Imperfectly Perfect With You

My heart in your hands
the weight of the world on your shoulders
you bear the burden of all before you

you tackle it with grace and strength
you set forth to conquer the demons
change the perception, the course of the world

you have the power
in the subtle things you do
in the words that you speak
in the actions that you take

you bring forth a comfort and calmness
you are unique unto yourself

you share your dreams, haunts, desires, and fears
you are all I could have imagined
and more than I could fathom

you are the sun
the moon
the stars
and galaxies
combined in one
fantastical expression of God

In my heart you can find
all that I am
and all that I have
aligned imperfectly perfect with you

love-smoke_00381277

 

 

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#AtoZChallenge L & M are for I’m late, I’m late for a very important blog post. Love your Mother

So since I was planning on writing about Loving your Mother for M, it does kind of fit as a duo post.

If you are a regular reader here at the blog, you know my Mom is my Rock. She’s my supporter, my “get your shit together” pusher, and I’m lucky to be able to call her my friend. We don’t see eye to eye on everything, and that’s a good thing. She gives me tough love when I need it, and recently I was reminded of a mentally exhausting situation that she left me to fend for myself with. How Dare She!

You know that tough love that we often hear of, and some people think that’s too much pressure for kids. I don’t agree. Sometimes tough love is just the swift kick in the ass that some kids need. (Not literally a kick in the ass let’s clear that up now) but they need that push, that fight or flight moment where it’s them against the world and they will either sink or swim. We can’t always be there for our kids, but we have to have enough faith that we have instilled within them the power, ability, and fortitude to strive for more than the mediocre, the minimum and actually be able to survive on their own for when the time comes we won’t be there to fix all the boo-boos of life.

She left me. She just left me there. How the fuck could she have done that. She hung up the phone on me during my crying spell, told me she loved me and then hung up on me. It was just the busy signal on the payphone and my heavy breathing I could hear. All other sounds vanished in the distance. What the fuck did she just do to me?

The best thing for me she could have done, and the hardest day of her life. She left me to fend for myself, and didn’t fix the problem. At least not how I wanted her to. She did it the right way, with a little tough love and cut of the apron strings to be exact.

I grew up with my Mom and Nana raising me for most of my life. Until she met my stepdad. But it was my Mom who had been the foundation for everything. So when I decided to go away to college two hours away from home in Upstate New York, she wasn’t so sure it was a good idea and tried to steer me to a college closer to home. I didn’t want to budge. I could do it I said. So she agreed,and when the time came, she took the two hour drive to get me settled in my dorm room, and turned around and left.

Not more than three hours had gone by, I was at the payphone calling her up crying hysterical because I wanted to come home. I didn’t want to be there. I couldn’t handle it. I felt like an outsider among many. Although I had quickly made a friend, who I will forever call my, Sissy I still didn’t want to be there.

Mom did what I never expected her to do. She told me to calm down, stop crying, and deal with it. She was in no uncertain terms driving back to get me. I would have to deal with it myself and get through it. I wasn’t going to get my way. She told me she loved me and she hung up the phone.

In the heat of the moment, I hated my mother. How dare she just abandon me. She didn’t care, she didn’t love me, and she was leaving me all alone in a world I didn’t want to be in.

As the days went by, I adjusted. To be honest, the following weekend, I was off to the Bronx with my Sissy to meet her family. I took a bus from upstate to the city. I never told my mother what I did at least not for a few more weeks. But I did tell my aunt, this way someone knew that I was ok but not where they thought I would be.

Had my mother been one of those moms who fixed every boo-boo I had, I wouldn’t be who I am today, and for that I thank her. I was telling Dave this story the other day when we were having a conversation about tough love and his boys. It can’t be an easy thing to do, but sometimes the most difficult things we need to do for our children’s well being is the thing that will give them the strength to move on in life and succeed in the real world.

After one week of hating my mother, I saw what she did as exactly what I needed. I needed her to trust in me what she had instilled in me. The fact that I was more than capable of dealing with circumstances out of my control. That I was able to survive in the midst of thinking I was drowning. She knew I had it in me, she knew what she needed to do, and I also know it was by far one of the hardest thing she’d done. But she did it with my survival in mind.

For that day and situation, and many more before and after, I thank my Mom for being the best she could have been for me. For doing the hard things, and for making me face the hard things head on. Love you Mom for all that you do and all that you’ve done ❤ IMG_1839

 

 

*******

The story of my life. Always running late at least a solid good 5-10 minutes behind even if I have my clock set 15 minutes ahead. My mother always says I’ll be late to my own wedding, that I should arrive a day ahead just so I’ll be on time and that she will meet me there because goodness knows I’m gonna be running around like a chicken without her head. I can admit, she’s got a point with it all and is probably right. I’ll also probably be late to my own funeral 😉

Today’s post is a duo, because let’s just face it, I failed at posting L in time. I worked for a few days on L’s post, and I just couldn’t do it. I hated every word pouring out, it wasn’t flowing and I couldn’t do it. I will rework it for another post at a later time, if I can stomach it.

#AtoZChallenge H is for: Hippo…

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

 

image

 

Yeah, try saying that one fast.

Hippo poto monstroses quippedalio phobia ?

 

Maybe?

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: nope it’s not the fear of Hippos as one would think buy that lovely name.

image

Taming the Fears

self doubt rears her ugly head
when the butterflies turn to pangs of fear
the inner turmoil takes the lead

heat rising from deep within the belly
instead of the warmth of happiness
embers burning fierce with worry

what if it’s all a dream?
what if it’s going to fade?
what if it’s too good to be true?

the what if’s are the demise of all good things

the tone of voice
the moments of silence creeping in
the simple inquisitive questions filled with fear for your answers

you know better than to let it get the best of you
yet you still entertain the ideas
your imagination runs wild, when it should be tamed

you must soothe your weary soul
over things you have no control

photo credit: Cover via photopin (license)

photo credit: Cover via photopin (license)

A to Z Challenge. V is for Vernalagnia

Lilly awoke ever so feverously, not understanding what was bothering her. Nothing could quench her desires, or quell her fears. No matter what steps she took, her weary mind and soul still yearned for more. During the day she sought solace in the most comforting things, a hot cup of tea, soothing music, a great book, yet something was still amiss. What could so cleverly eluded her, even in her dreams?

Restless one evening, when even sleep couldn’t assuage these feelings, while wrapped in Seans loving embrace he cleverly surmised “Sweetheart, you’re clearly suffering from a severe case of Vernalagnia!”

Image courtesy of [Dynamite Imagery] at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of [Dynamite Imagery] at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Today’s A to Z Challenge post is brought to you by the letter V. (in flash fiction style, 100 words or less.) 

V for ~Vernalagnia Spring Fever.

* Also known as a romantic mood brought on by the budding season after the frosty, freezing, and often sunless months

A to Z Challenge. K is for Keraunophobia

Keraunophobia or Ceraunophobia- Fear of thunder and lightning.(Astraphobia, Astrapophobia)

The word Origin is Greek~ Keraunos = ‘thunderbolt’ 

Keraunophobia

This if a fear I luckily Do Not have. I actually quite enjoy a good thunderstorm and lightning show. They are quite soothing for me.

But I do understand fears. I have a fear of Escalaphobia~ Escalators. I developed it after my car accident, and going down escalators I have to let at least 3 steps go by before feeling safe to get on them. My balance was so off kilter and I was fearful of falling and reinjuring my knees.

Odd maybe, but then again you can say a fear of thunder and lightning is weird too.

For me I remember as a kid, I was a little afraid of the lightning and thunder storms. But I remember clear as day my Mom & Nana telling me a story.

They said everytime I heard the lightning it was my Grandfather and God bowling. The lightning was the ball rolling down the lane and each time the thunder struck… They got a strike.

I was a kid, I never met my Grandfather, he sadly passed away many years before I was born, and well it was soothing to hear that they were playing a game together. So my fear of thunder and lightning became a bowling game up in the heavens that I kind of looked forward to.

It was as if, to me, they were bowling the best game they could…just so I could hear them.

To this day, I sometimes say to myself, there goes Grandpa getting a strike. 🙂

Today’s A to Z Challenge is brought to you by the letter K~ K for Keraunophobia~ Fear of Thunder and Lightning.

I want to walk among the Redwoods

I want to walk
among
the Redwoods
getting lost
in their wonderment
their vastness

letting my toes
explore
being one
with the
earth
feeling
the dew covered
grass,
leaves
crushing
beneath my
feet

the smell
of crisp
clean
air
filling
my
lungs.

deep
penetrating
exhaustive
breaths
consuming
the
possibilities
enveloping
the
future

slowly
releasing
escaping
tension
anxiety
scars
fears
setting
free
the
past


Desktop Nexus: Wallpapers > Nature Wallpapers > Forests Wallpaper