I am that friend.

img_0480Do you have a friend who seems distant, not themselves?

Do you feel neglected, like you don’t know them anymore?

Well, there’s something I wish people understood. Maybe that friend who seems to have fallen off the face of the earth isn’t ignoring you, purposely. Maybe they are trying to deal with their own shit, and by becoming quiet, reclusive, distant, etc. is their way of dealing.

Even if it seems not to be their “normal” reaction, maybe their new normal is qute taxing. It seems easy enough to reach out and ask, “How have you been, I haven’t heard from you in a while, is everythig ok?”

Instead of reacting “Oh *insert name here* doesn’t want to be bothered with me anymore because life must be grand!”

Don’t make it about you, until you ask and find out.

Sometimes people retreat because they really don’t know what to do, and they’re just going through the motions of life as best they can.

Moral of the story…ask, don’t assume, you might be surprised, and you just might be offering a saving hand.

 

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I woke up this morning and realized, I am that friend.

Through no intentional fault of my own, I have become that person.

Life gets in the way. Life is not always rainbows and unicorns, I say this constantly. Life is an ever evolving work in progress, and sometimes, our progress stalls, crashes down around us, and… we retreat.

Why do we do this?

I’ve no clue.

But it happens. Then one day you finally realize it, and you find yourself saying WTF! How did I let this happen? What was the turning point?

And then you see it, maybe there was no one specific thing, it was all the little things in life taking space, taking precedence. Life as you knew it had changed, and a new world order took over. Head first into the abyss, and you either sink, or swim, or hold on to the edge of the pool…and hope your bathing suit doesn’t fall off.

This is not a WOE is me tale, this is a WHOA is me tale.

whoa

Big difference. It has a mixture of woe’s and whoa’s. But what a more compassionate world this would be if more people took the time to ask “How are you doing?” instead of being on the defensive. I know this isn’t always the case, and some people are downright rude and obnoxious, only thinking about themselves, and truly couldn’t give a rats ass about you and your problems, so they ignore you. Yet a lot of people walk this earth daily, putting on a brave face so no one is the wiser to their turmoil. It takes a lot of work to put on that brave face, and sometimes that brave face takes all the effort some people can muster.

But remember, not everyone is the same. Not everyone deals with trials like you do. So ask, ask the next time you feel slighted.

What do you have to lose? The friendship that is no longer serving your well being? So be it if that is the case, because then You will benefit in the end by freeing yourself of a toxic relationship. Isn’t that refreshing? Isn’t that glorious, to free yourself of what weighs you down?

BUT if by you reaching out for a few moments of a conversation to a friend who seems distant, helps them from teetering on the edge of the abyss, then aren’t both of you better off in the end?

I think the answer is quite simple, don’t you?

 

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#AtoZChallenge L & M are for I’m late, I’m late for a very important blog post. Love your Mother

So since I was planning on writing about Loving your Mother for M, it does kind of fit as a duo post.

If you are a regular reader here at the blog, you know my Mom is my Rock. She’s my supporter, my “get your shit together” pusher, and I’m lucky to be able to call her my friend. We don’t see eye to eye on everything, and that’s a good thing. She gives me tough love when I need it, and recently I was reminded of a mentally exhausting situation that she left me to fend for myself with. How Dare She!

You know that tough love that we often hear of, and some people think that’s too much pressure for kids. I don’t agree. Sometimes tough love is just the swift kick in the ass that some kids need. (Not literally a kick in the ass let’s clear that up now) but they need that push, that fight or flight moment where it’s them against the world and they will either sink or swim. We can’t always be there for our kids, but we have to have enough faith that we have instilled within them the power, ability, and fortitude to strive for more than the mediocre, the minimum and actually be able to survive on their own for when the time comes we won’t be there to fix all the boo-boos of life.

She left me. She just left me there. How the fuck could she have done that. She hung up the phone on me during my crying spell, told me she loved me and then hung up on me. It was just the busy signal on the payphone and my heavy breathing I could hear. All other sounds vanished in the distance. What the fuck did she just do to me?

The best thing for me she could have done, and the hardest day of her life. She left me to fend for myself, and didn’t fix the problem. At least not how I wanted her to. She did it the right way, with a little tough love and cut of the apron strings to be exact.

I grew up with my Mom and Nana raising me for most of my life. Until she met my stepdad. But it was my Mom who had been the foundation for everything. So when I decided to go away to college two hours away from home in Upstate New York, she wasn’t so sure it was a good idea and tried to steer me to a college closer to home. I didn’t want to budge. I could do it I said. So she agreed,and when the time came, she took the two hour drive to get me settled in my dorm room, and turned around and left.

Not more than three hours had gone by, I was at the payphone calling her up crying hysterical because I wanted to come home. I didn’t want to be there. I couldn’t handle it. I felt like an outsider among many. Although I had quickly made a friend, who I will forever call my, Sissy I still didn’t want to be there.

Mom did what I never expected her to do. She told me to calm down, stop crying, and deal with it. She was in no uncertain terms driving back to get me. I would have to deal with it myself and get through it. I wasn’t going to get my way. She told me she loved me and she hung up the phone.

In the heat of the moment, I hated my mother. How dare she just abandon me. She didn’t care, she didn’t love me, and she was leaving me all alone in a world I didn’t want to be in.

As the days went by, I adjusted. To be honest, the following weekend, I was off to the Bronx with my Sissy to meet her family. I took a bus from upstate to the city. I never told my mother what I did at least not for a few more weeks. But I did tell my aunt, this way someone knew that I was ok but not where they thought I would be.

Had my mother been one of those moms who fixed every boo-boo I had, I wouldn’t be who I am today, and for that I thank her. I was telling Dave this story the other day when we were having a conversation about tough love and his boys. It can’t be an easy thing to do, but sometimes the most difficult things we need to do for our children’s well being is the thing that will give them the strength to move on in life and succeed in the real world.

After one week of hating my mother, I saw what she did as exactly what I needed. I needed her to trust in me what she had instilled in me. The fact that I was more than capable of dealing with circumstances out of my control. That I was able to survive in the midst of thinking I was drowning. She knew I had it in me, she knew what she needed to do, and I also know it was by far one of the hardest thing she’d done. But she did it with my survival in mind.

For that day and situation, and many more before and after, I thank my Mom for being the best she could have been for me. For doing the hard things, and for making me face the hard things head on. Love you Mom for all that you do and all that you’ve done ❀ IMG_1839

 

 

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The story of my life. Always running late at least a solid good 5-10 minutes behind even if I have my clock set 15 minutes ahead.Β My mother always says I’ll be late to my own wedding, that I should arrive a day ahead just so I’ll be on time and that she will meet me there because goodness knows I’m gonna be running around like a chicken without her head. I can admit, she’s got a point with it all and is probably right.Β I’ll also probably be late to my own funeral πŸ˜‰

Today’s post is a duo, because let’s just face it, I failed at posting L in time. I worked for a few days on L’s post, and I just couldn’t do it. I hated every word pouring out, it wasn’t flowing and I couldn’t do it. I will rework it for another post at a later time, if I can stomach it.

Pride sucks

Pride, it’s a double edged sword in my opinion some times. I have pride, I don’t like asking for help. In a society where people view asking for help as a plague on the economy, I don’t view it that way for the most part. But when it comes to myself, I don’t want to be a drain, I don’t want to ask for help. Even when I truly can use it. I let my pride, my independence get the best of me at the worst of times.

It’s detrimental to my own well being and I know that. Pride, can be an ugly thing, when we feel we don’t deserve the basic of needs. I know people who won’t ask for help if they need it, and I know people who are those plagues on society who expect things handed to them for free. People on both sides of the fence exist in this life. I strive to be neither of them.

I don’t want to be looked upon as taking advantage of services or things that could help benefit me, things I’m more than entitled to receive. And when I say entitled to, I mean things I’ve worked for, even if that work was a long time ago. I hate vague assumptions that are imposed on people who might, for whatever reason, need help. Not all people who need help are milking a system. Some truly need the assistance, not a hand out, but a hand up. But because of such a ugly stigma placed upon the dirty nasty four letter word “help” people who have pride, people who have self respect, people who let what other say about them if they found out hinder them reaching out when the need arises, will often choose not to seek help in the most dire of times.

It’s not healthy, it’s not beneficial, it’s in fact detrimental to their own well being, mental and physical health. No good can come of keeping all that stuff bottled up and not reaching out. Just as a sickness, either physical or emotional, if over looked for too long can turn into something more serious.

I don’t like to ask for help, it makes me feel weak, and I don’t want to see myself as weak. I always see myself as a strong, independent woman, who doesn’t rely on others to help her. If I can’t do it myself, it won’t get done until I can. If I can’t afford it now, I wait till I can. If I can’t go somewhere, or do something, or fix something, on my own, I will wait until I can.

Waiting isn’t always good. Sometimes waiting makes things worse, no matter how much you try to keep up with it, things fall through the cracks. Sometimes worrying about what others might think puts our own minds in a twisted funk, because that means being vulnerable at our most critical times.

Vulnerability, feels like weakness, but it’s within the depths of our vulnerability and weakness that we can muster the strength we need and ultimately realize we’ve had all along, because it takes a strong person to ask for help. Asking for help does not equal weakness or lack of trying. There comes a time when we realize we can’t do everything on our own, and that’s alright. It’s more than alright, it’s like finally feeling the sun on your face after a long harsh winter. You become alive again, you feel whole, you feel as if the weight of the world just might finally be lifting off your heavy burdened shoulders, shoulders that have carried a weight for far, far too long.

Isn’t it about time you kick pride in it’s ass, and let go of the things that truly hold you back.

I rise up

When darkness
falls upon me
I
rise
up

fromΒ the ashes
out of the mist
breaking from
the confines
once strangling me

freed of the grip
you held
so
tight

Your
words
thoughts
glances
of pure
emptiness

nothingness

I was there
yet
you
would not see

blinded
distracted
attracted

to the bright
lights and
figures
that danced
across the
screens

captivating
your attention
enticing your
senses
more
eloquently
than
me

I stop
in your
view
disrobed
exposed
laidΒ bare
as you gaze
right
through

nothingness
stillness
abandonment

encapsulated
within
deep
brown
dark
hollow
eyes

no reflection
of my figure
no glimmer
of my frame
imprinted on you

I now see
what you
haven’t seen
for who knows how
long

desolation
isolation
solitude
where once
companionship
resided

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photo credit: Cover via photopin (license)

I want to walk among the Redwoods

IΒ want to walk
among
the Redwoods
getting lost
in their wonderment
their vastness

letting my toes
explore
being one
with the
earth
feeling
the dew covered
grass,
leaves
crushing
beneath my
feet

the smell
of crisp
clean
air
filling
my
lungs.

deep
penetrating
exhaustive
breaths
consuming
the
possibilities
enveloping
the
future

slowly
releasing
escaping
tension
anxiety
scars
fears
setting
free
the
past


Desktop Nexus: Wallpapers > Nature Wallpapers > Forests Wallpaper