Be her, on your own.

I am far from a relationship expert, but I have quite a few years and experiences behind me to know a few things. To learn from the past and have that ah ha moment hit you over the head when you see something happening with your own relationships, and with those relationships around you. Not to the point where you pass judgement, but to the point where if you are asked questions, opinions, or advice you can give it because you’ve been there.

I see to many women, myself included at one point or another, who for whatever reasons self esteem or unworthiness included, they put too much value in what others think of them. Don’t ever base your self worth upon someone else’s ideology of you. Embrace your badassness, curves, hair, the crook of your lip, or tilt of your nose. You are who you are and no one should make you want change yourself.

You should only want to make changes because YOU do, not to appease someone else. Not because someone thinks it will be better for you. Or because someone assumes your weight, height, or color of your hair determines the person you are. All those things are superficial.

All too often I see women who fall into the trap of feeling the need to conform to the pressure of change. Sure a healthy lifestyle is optimal. Be healthy, happy, comfortable, and confident as the woman you are. Don’t let a man dictate how you should look or how you should view yourself. Never base your self worth on the worthiness others might place on you. I will also add, as a woman, if you don’t want to be criticized, ridiculed, or picked apart like a piece of meat, don’t do it to men either. It’s a two way street. Don’t try to change him and he shouldn’t try to change you. If you prefer a particular look or feel in a partner, then seek that kind of partner, but first…

Be that kind of partner.

If you want a like minded partner, you first must be at that stage in your life. If you want a man that has his shit together, then be a woman who has her shit together. If you want a man that is your equal, then be his equal. If you want a man who is healthy, happy, comfortable in his body, and appearance…then you need to be accepting of yourself as well.

“I don’t want a partner to complete me, I want a partner to complement me. One who enhances the best of me, and I of them!”

I have over the years heard things like:

“I want a guy that I can hang out with, one who is exciting and likes to go places like on an adventure”

I would like to ask…are you a woman who does that stuff on your own already and are looking for a guy to join you? Or are you a woman who wants this to happen but the only way it will is if you have someone encourage you or push you to do it?

If your answer is the latter, then my dear you need to work on yourself. Don’t wait for someone to come into your life to do it for you.

If you want to go on adventures, if you want to go on a road trip, or dancing in the city. GO AND DO IT! Be that woman on your own! You can do it. You have it in you. You just need to get off your ass and find a way to light your own spark.

Nothing wrong with doing new things with your partner by any means. You might find some fun activity you never knew before. But for heavens sake, if you have dreams of doing something, something you think your passionate about…

Don’t wait for Mr. Right to help you achieve it. Work towards it yourself. The old saying, confidence is key, really is a gem. Because confident women, really are bad ass women who respect themselves, and go after what they want. They are comfortable in their own skin, they strive to be the best self possible.

This may seem like a random post starting off about relationship dynamics to self respect and self esteem, but in reality they are intricately linked together. For if you are not projecting your best self, you can not attract the best in others. If you need a partner to make you the person you think you should be, you need to reevaluate your life’s path. Work on your best self, whatever you want her to be. If you want her to be an adventurer, a self confident woman in her own skin, an entertainer, a risk taker, a lover, a well rounded happy, healthy, woman. Then do what you need to do to get her to her prime position. There’s nothing wrong with enhancing who you are by the people you surround yourself with and who you have relationships with, but don’t rely on them to make you the person you want to be.

Be her, on your own.