I am still here…


She awoke from her stupor, unaware of her surroundings barely even the day of year, let alone the time of day. How could life be so terrible?. So full of angst and turmoil.

Why did this have to happen to her?!

Then she saw the unthinkable. The unimaginable. It must be a dream or she left the tv on a movie channel in the middle of the night. No other logical explanation for the fear and terror layed before her barely open eyes. Unless it was a vicoden dream. Not like they hadn’t happened before.

Sadly, it was not the case, as the news anchor broke her dismal gaze reality slowly started seeping in crawling like a slithering snake over her skin invading her veins.

Life as she had known forever was changed in that moment of realization. She was snapped into reality, for mere moments.  The unthinkable, unimaginable had become a stark blood red reality. One that would take some time to sink in and absorb, yet never fully doing so.

Admist the ensuing chaos a sense of comradairie was born. A new perspective on life and why things, horrible things happen. No explination yet for the unthinkable, unimaginable crime against humanity, but on that day, 14 years ago a young girl barely able to grasp the shitstorm of what had been thrown at her for a moment of clarity among the chaos and bloodshed realized her life as well as her body may have been turned upside down, inside out and all around, but one thing rang abundantly clear

She was still here, torn, tattered, broken, and battered but she was still here. She could bitch and complain about what happened to her 6 days shy of a year, but in the end she was still here!

That fateful day thousands of lives were lost to a cowardly reprehensible act. But that day, and all these days after…she is still here.

Still here trying to find her way in this forever changed world. Still here trying to grasp the reality of it all. Still here able to ask the question why. And her answer clear as day from the angels above is that everything happens for a reason some reasons we may never know. But we must hold close to our hearts and minds that somewhere somehow one day we will know why.

She wasn’t meant to be there on that fateful day and in some way the events that preceded the year before, although tragic in their own right, were cataclysmic for a greater purpose. It kept her out of more severe and tragic harmful ways

Never forgetting that day, whether it be today or all the days that lie ahead.

I am still here….

My story has many pages left and I plan to color them wildly without abandon freeing my soul and feeding it with fire to fuel my spirit.

I am still here.

photo credit: Never Forget via photopin (license)

photo credit: Never Forget via photopin (license)

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