Opening up a little more and coming out of my shell. It’s about damn time ;-)

It’s interesting when people you know, who know you blog, actually want you to blog about them or your interaction with them.

I kind of like the idea, but then on the same level, I wonder how they will interpret what it is I might say about them. Some people don’t mind me talking about them, but would prefer I don’t use their real names, and I’m ok with that. Actually sometimes I prefer to use an alias for some of them, depending on who they are, especially children. Because we all know kids say the darndest things and those things make for interesting posts.

I’m also a semi private person, especially when it comes to my relationships, intimate relationships to be precise. There are some things that although it might pique interest from readers, I still like to err on the side of caution. Sure my stats might skyrocket, and I may gain new followers, but do I really want all my laundry out there in the blogosphere? Nope! So unfortunately I don’t think I’ll be blogging about my relationships intimate details. I’ll leave them to your ever so capable imagination…

The funny thing is, I read blogs that openly discuss their intimate relationship, and I learn some interesting things while reading these blogs. Things I never really thought of before, and it gives a new perspective on the way other people live. I think it’s great!! But I don’t think I could be one of those people. Not “Those” people as in it’s a bad thing. It’s just all so personal, and I have a handful of people who actually know me in real life who sometimes read my blog. So sometimes I struggle with posting what is on my mind, and what people might think about those details. I try my hardest in living a judgement free life, but there are people who judge constantly. I can sit here behind my computer screen and say I don’t care what people think, and for the most part I don’t, but there are those moments when I realize even if it’s the tiniest bit I do care. I shouldn’t, but I do. It happens to the best of us.

Yes it’s a struggle.

I think this is a part of my writing block lately as well. After A to Z ended I had natural writing fatigue from cranking out those posts. It was a great experience, then I hit the wall. After some technical set backs with the computer, wifi etc. I realized it also has to do with me being overly cautious of what it is I put out there that’s holding my writing back. I have 5 posts saved in my drafts of things I’m thrilled to write about (this is one of those posts). I keep going back editing them down to almost nothing, because of fear of jinxing myself and also putting too much of me out there.

But then again the point of writing is to put yourself out there. Isn’t it??

I need to balance that line and say screw it. Ok I still know I won’t be putting intimate personal details out there, but holding back completely about the positive things going on in my life is not good. So here’s to hoping that the future is as bright as I know it will be.

I’ve for the most part held back discussing the good things in my life, because more often than not… misery loves company. Some people can’t truly be happy for you when you’re happy. But they love to commiserate with you when you’re down. My fear of telling people when I’m happy isn’t good, but from experience I hold back.

It is easier to discuss the pitfalls of relationships, than it is to put out there that you are happy, enjoying life and are full of joy because although you know it was possible people would rather see you miserable like them than happy. Yes, those people do exist.

Before I left for my trip to visit my Sissy, I deactivated all but my Match.com dating accounts. Only because I was paying for that one at a discounted rate after my 40th birthday. It would be ending soon and I knew there was no point in renewing it since it only resulted in meeting two men over a 5 month period. I was ok with not being active on the online dating sites, and was focusing on… If it was gonna happen it would happen when I least expect it.

Yes I was still single and moderately looking, but after a long while in the dating site world, it was clear it was a recycle bin full of the same guys.

Late one night while I was on my trip, my Sissy’s daughter Bella was trying her hardest to encourage me to go out with her Uncle. I was having none of it, and joked about how her sister E said girls like me who aren’t married go places. It was a fun evening just laughing at the kitchen table, over mojitos. A little later that night while Bella was highlighting my hair,  I was flipping through the Match.com app. That’s when I saw a notification that someone had looked at my profile.

“Ohhhh, he’s cute” Bella said.

“Yes, yes he is” I replied.

He looked extremely familiar but I couldn’t place him, at first…  (continue reading by clicking on this link)