Back in 1995-7 it was all the rage, (and apparently it’s reinvented itself multiple times over the years) this book was supposed to help single women find the man of their dreams by listing an array of nonsensical rules to follow. I fed into the idea of it. Simply because I found myself newly single after graduating college, and coming out of a long-term relationship, that lasted throughout my college existence. I met him my second day there.
**The Sea of Love guy. Eugene** Blah blah blah he doesn’t deserve a blog post, let alone this mention, but it sets the record…
So there I was, in my early 20’s, newly single and figured let’s see what The Rules are all about.
Something different from my approach, I would imagine. I was never a big dater. In high school, I was always the girl the guys thought had a pretty face…but was too heavy.
There were a few guys that I went to college with whom I found very attractive, and looking back (isn’t that the way we all do it) because I was dating… and shy, I would never have thought to approach them. Plus they all thought I was “destined” to marry my boyfriend.
Back then my self-confidence was rocky. It is what it was, and that’s my issue. Albeit molded through life experiences, and hanging around like a lingering cold that wouldn’t go away. That is until I met Scotty D.
Hmm, Scott is a topic unto himself. He was a rare breed. Yes my tense has changed in this post, he was a rare breed. One I’m not so ready to talk about yet, as new wounds are still fresh and raw. But for now I will say, he restored my faith in men, myself, and opened my eyes to so much. It’s unfathomable to tell. I will write of him when I can. His story needs to be told, even if no one reads it.
The Rules, had lines like these…
♦Don’t call back right away.
♦If you are available, you seem to easy.
♦Play hard to get.
♦Don’t ask men out.
♦Once you have a guy, ignore him.
♦Texting~ women under 30 wait 30 minutes to respond; older women should wait 4 hours!!! 4 hours seriously!
The list went on. It was all a haze to me back then, but I read it, put the book in a drawer and forgot about it for a while. A long while. To me it was encouraging women to be a bitch, not being available, and not going after what you wanted. I am all for a man taking the control in dating situations, but in the same respect women shouldn’t feel the act of buying a guy a drink at the bar, or buying one back, is an insult. Or offering to pay half on dinner, or even the tip. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe that’s why I’m single again. Who knows. I’ve been in long-term relationships, one lasting 10 years. It just didn’t work out. We were better off as friends.
I get the whole, don’t let a man feel less of a man, encourage him and uplift him. Well the same goes for men encouraging and uplifting women. You can not be an equal if you think less of yourself, or the other person. Granted I’m no expert, I’m single, never married. But life gives you experience. I still believe my boyfriend, husband, soul mate exists. He may not be within a 50 mile radius, he may very well be in California, Vermont, Wisconsin, or Maine for all I know. BUT I do believe he exists. Like the elusive Unicorn, or pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I still have hope.
But these games that are played out on the playground of dating life, really need to be nipped in the bud. I say if you want something you should go for it. (easier said than done, for myself included. I didn’t go after Seductively Sexy Seth, or Cute Sake Drinking Guy) Don’t be like me, heck I shouldn’t be like me either damn it!!
These are MY RULES for dating. They are an ever evolving set, and I’ll adapt them as I go along. Take them with a grain of salt, cause like I say WTF do I know 😉
♥Don’t wait the 3 days to text back.
♥Don’t wait a week to call.
♥Do Be available, ok maybe not instantly if you are in the bathroom or driving your car. But be available, if that is what you truly want.
♥Don’t be the bitch, nice girls can finish first but…
♥Don’t be a doormat
♥Don’t invest more of yourself than is being invested in you.
♥Do know when to cut your losses, because at the end of the day, it is better to have experienced and moved on than stay and suffer.
♥As for online dating…Do not post photos of yourself in provocative ways, only showing your face and cleavage for instance, and then complain you only get guys who want sex and nothing more. You attract what you expose, and the more you expose the more you will attract what you say you don’t want. I’m not saying don’t be sexy, or confident!! Just be aware, what you share, can entice certain comments. I’ve had photos, which I didn’t think too much of in that respect, and they opened the flood gates of comments, I’ve removed one, but left the other. I’m not a prude, I’m sexy and confident, but I’ll chose my battles wisely.
♥Enjoy dating for all of its roller coaster ride. The lulls, the peaks, the drops, and the summit.
It will be worth it in the end. I personally have faith.
If however you want minimal or instant and short-lived gratification from dating experiences, then by all means follow the damn rules.
Even my mother bought me this book by Steve Harvey before this past Christmas. I took it out of the bag simply to take a picture and post the photo. I haven’t even opened it, and I probably wont.
Although, who knows, it’s not like my rules have garnered much success over the years. I just might pop open a bottle of hard cider one night and crack open this book. I might.
But I will say this. Out of all my relationships, I have been extremely lucky. There haven’t been any that have ended in horrendous ways, although yes they have had impacts that will last with me forever for the way I was treated by some, but in the scope of life and experiences that others have dealt with, I’ve been lucky in my unlucky love life.
Even with online dating, my experiences haven’t been all that horrible. Maybe I’m too picky (maybe that’s a good thing) apparently I reply very selectively to messages, and well that’s because I’m not interested. Something has to really spark my interest. I love good conversation, a well written profile, photos that I can see your face and yes body. I show mine (clothed of course) so therefore I want to see yours.
As with the being picky, I think it’s a good thing, I have learned the signs of what might be coming down the pike as far as unmentioned intentions, but I don’t always avoid them. Such is life and this experience we go through.
I’m looking for friends first, with the intention of a long-term relationship, so that means I don’t expect to be your girlfriend tonight, but don’t expect me to be your friends with benefits either.
I will never settle for the next best thing or more importantly whatever thing comes my way. I would rather be happy and alone, than overly desperate to take whatever might show interest. Yes I’ll still hear the … “Oh when are you getting married?” “When are you having children?” You can ask all you like, I don’t have to reply. Simple as that.
Do I believe perfect exists, no, but I do believe there is a match out there for me somewhere over the rainbow, riding a unicorn 😉
Until then, I’ve decided, I’m gonna break the rules. Because, well, the rules haven’t helped me yet, although I never quite followed them so rigidly. So why not break em. 😉
Those are my Random Musings and Wanderlust for today. 🙂