I swore when I revived my blog, that I wouldn’t turn it into a dating diary of sorts. Not that my original one was a dating diary. I was involved in a very long-term relationship through most of that posting time (10 yrs) and it never made it to my blog.
But then, there are moments. Moments of complete and utter hilarity, that instantly makes you take those first thoughts back… and throw them right out the window.
Here is one of them…
A couple of months ago, I was navigating the dating world, as I am in the midst of it still. I had been secretly stalking, ok just lurking behind emails, receiving updates about speed-dating opportunities. It was yet another way to throw myself into the dating scene and maybe just maybe it would be a different group of guys from the online dating sites. From Match, Eharmony, OkCupid, and Plenty of Fish, it didn’t matter if it was a paid subscription or a free one they all seemed to be the same group of guys and the same profiles.
I had been off of them for well over a year and when I went back, it was the same group, no changes in the profiles, not even updated pictures. Men constantly complain women don’t look like their pictures, yet they do the very thing they complain about.
Granted I’m sure there are women who do this. I assure you – I’m not one of them. I’ve been told from the few men I’ve actually gone out with, that no matter my photos they all look like the same person, and in person it’s even better. Ok that part may be flattery, but the fact that no matter the angle, it’s the same person you will be meeting when we finally do grab that drink.
Apparently there are women who alter their photos with photo apps. Hello? You just smoothed out all your wrinkles, and bags under your eyes, yet when you finally meet the guy, he’s gonna be wishing for an exit or a an iron.
What were you thinking? I’m going with, you weren’t thinking at all. Same with just facial photos! There is more to you than just your face and oh yeah, your breasts!! I have em’ too, and yes they make appearances in my photos. But you’re gonna get a full on body shot of me. Not hiding anything. What’s the point? So when you do meet up, he’s expecting the chick that can tilt her head and pout her lips, with a huge rack. I can do that too. Sure why not. But Then he’s sidelined with the rest of you, that may very well be more curvy than what he’s looking for. There are reasons for the section pertaining to the body type of person you are looking for. Then again, if the guy is crazy enough to just meet up with a woman who only has head and breast shots, it’s his own doing when his expectations are far outweighed with the reality.
See there I go off on a rant again. If you’ve read any of my blog posts, you’re used to it by now.
I would get the weekly speed-dating emails, but never imagined I really would go to one.
First, because I didn’t always fall within the age requirements for a particular event, and secondly because the times I did fall within the age group, it was a group I didn’t want to be in. Particularly Older men from what I was interested in. (This plays a key role in another post I will be doing in a few days so pay attention 😉 )
I’ve mentioned before, I’m 39, and the ages would sometimes go well into the 50’s. Not all the time, but sometimes. Honestly, yes at my age I still would like the opportunity to have kids, if nature and a solid relationship provide. If it happens, wonderful. If not, it wont be the end of my world and I’m happy with that. So when I see I’m pooled into a group of 50+ year olds, I already know my chances of meeting the guy that wants what I want are slimmer than a hole in one on the most difficult course. That applies in many circumstances if you know what I mean.
The other key factor in my hesitation of speed-dating, is one-on-one proximity with someone you haven’t even exchanged an email with. I was going to be sitting across from a strange guy for 10 minutes and had to engage in some sort of conversation.
It scared the crap out of me!
Could I do this? Could I really do this? Almost like an interview, which yeah it’s been a long ass time since I’ve done one of those, but still could I do it? I’m not the person that goes to bars (especially alone, although I do a lot on my own that’s not something I would enjoy) or has friends of friends that are single waiting to set me up with. So online dating is what I do.
Speed-dating was a risk.
I was recently asked by a friend, when I posed the idea to let me know what they wanted to read on my blog and it was about Risk Taking. Ok I’m not going sky diving, or bungee jumping. So Speed-Dating it is…
So I took the plunge!
I signed up for my first speed-dating event, with an age group I was looking for. It was an event at a local bar/restaurant for Men ages 33-45; Women 31-44. This I liked the sound of. But that curious question in the front of my mind. Could I go, and could I go alone?
The answer was an astounding YES!
It wasn’t nearly as awkward as I had envisioned. Except for the normal anxiety of showing up, sitting at your designated table, and waiting for the perspective suitors to join you for 10 min of conversation.
Conversation that consisted of quick questions, a survey for you to write things about the guy/gal you were talking to. So you had a cheat sheet of sorts to look at after. You would then hand in your survey to the host of the event. He’s a great guy and I think his events are really done well, even when the age differences aren’t something I quite like. Overall it’s done very nicely. After handing in the survey, you will get a follow-up email from the host, letting you know if there was a “match” with another attendee.
During this speed dating event, I met some very nice guys. One was a guy I had seen on the dating sites, and although we didn’t match, or hit it off, the conversation was good. It went nicely. As the time limit passed for each mini date, it got a little easier, a little more comfortable.
Except the age-old question.
What do you do for a living?
I don’t work, and some guys have an issue with this. This ultimately is THEIR issue, not mine. There have been a few very special guys, who understand and were ok with my situation. Anyone else, the heck with them. I understand it, but often their uncomfortableness is for the wrong reasons. I try explaining, that I was in a car accident, and I’m not working. I do however feel that at this point in my life, I’m in a much better place physically, emotionally, etc. I am lucky in the fact that I don’t have to just take any job (when the time is right) just like in dating, I can be picky. And I should be.
Why just settle for ANYTHING in life. Relationships, or employment. You SHOULDN’T settle!!
The guy that is right for me, will accept me for who I am. And what I am is a unique, caring, loving, affectionate, passionate, engaging, intelligent, open-minded, accepting, funny, witty, down to earth, real woman. I’m one of a kind. I don’t fit a cookie cutter mold, I’m uniquely me… and that’s pretty damn awesome!
At the end of this speed-dating event. I direct matched with 1 of 10 guys. That means that we both liked each other and would get the other persons email. I also had 4, one way matches. That meant that 4 other guys were interested in me, but I did not choose them. I also get their emails, if maybe after the event there was something that possibly interested me but I might have been hesitant about. Or one of those for me moments….Oh HE wouldn’t be interested so I’m not gonna check him off that I liked him. Why bother…kind of moment. That did happen with 1 of those 4 one way matches.
After a few back and forth emails with both of these men, nothing much other than an actual date happened. But it was an interesting experience, and definitely outside of the box for me. Not something I would normally do.
But something I did do again a couple of weeks ago.
This event was a little different, it was an all ages event.
But you’ll have to wait to see how that turned out next time 😉 I will say that it opened my eyes to a few interesting things and gave me perspectives on people and interactions, as well as maybe having to adjust my outlook on a few things that surprised me…but one thing will remain the same. If you’re wearing a leisure suit, I will be at the other end of the bar, far far away….
Not jinxing myself, which I often feel I do within my dating life. I try to keep details to myself, because unfortunately there are people who would rather see you unhappy, just like them. Misery surely does love company, but I would rather not keep company with that. But with my dating experiences, I have to say I’ve been very lucky so far. Yeah I’ve met a few winners, but not that many. Probably because I really am picky! Not that what I’ve been dating has turned out to be fantastic, it has however turned out to be what was meant to be in my life. The experiences shape us, and make us see what we want and don’t want, what we will tolerate and what we wont.
I may still be single on the island, but I’m happy, and that counts for a whole hell of a lot in my book. I could certainly be happier with someone who complements me. In all due time. 🙂
For now, I think my Valentine for this year will be this Heart Shaped, Gluten Free, Udi’s Bagel I had this morning!
Then again, who knows what the next two weeks may hold…
Those are my Random Musings and Wanderlust for today! 🙂