Certain events in our lives can leave indelible marks on our psyche, even if we think we’ve moved past them, and that’s ok. Sometimes we don’t even realize how they influence our daily rituals and interactions with people or events we come in contact with.
Until one day, you get that ahha moment and it’s as if the light finally turned on in your mind. Guess that’s what happened to me a few weeks ago. I realized I was the girl who waited. Yes I’m proactive in certain aspects in my life, but others…I waited. For what exactly I’m not so sure. It could be for that perfect moment that essentially doesn’t exist. Except in the realm that each moment within itself is inherently perfect. We often think, oh there’s tomorrow to tackle that thing that seems to nag us to get done. So we wait.
We are taught at a young age that patience is a virtue, and that children need to wait to get what they want. If you’re good and you wait you’ll get “xyz”
Waiting doesn’t have to be bad, it is essentially a journey. But what if, because of waiting, you don’t get to your envisioned final destination? Sure along the journey you’ve come across things that fit for the time being, but you keep waiting. I know I sound slightly cryptic in this explanation, and that’s simply because it can essentially fit every dynamic of your life if you think about it. But what if one day you just open your minds eye and see all the possibilities that are out there if you just stop waiting? Yeah you still may not get to where you want to be, but at least you tried.
I remember clearly the first time I truly waited. I believe it was for almost 3 days. My biological father had called and said he was coming for a visit. I was about 7, my strawberry blond banana curls, and was wearing my most favorite white dress with baby blue lace. I felt like a princess. And I waited in that dress for three days. He ever came. My mother bless her, I give her credit for not being one of “those” Moms who bash absent fathers. She made some excuse for him, for which I don’t remember, tried for those 3 days to get me out of that dress but I wouldn’t budge. I was, and still am very persistent. That was the day I think I began my journey of waiting.
Until a few weeks ago it clicked for me. Yes I go after most of the things I want in life but other areas I let other people control take the reigns and control the shots. That’s when I realized I WAS (past tense) the girl who waited, but no longer. So what if it doesn’t work out and I don’t get to the perceived final destination? It’s ok, simply because I didn’t let fate play the hand that I was delt without being an active participant. So I took control, played my hand and busted lol. I wasn’t happy of the outcome but it’s a learning experience and I have hopes the next time I play my hand a little better.
Don’t give me a happy ending.
Endings are the saddest part.
So give me a happy middle
And a very happy start.