I’m purposefully not putting a question mark at the end of this title. Why? I’m not sure, but deep within me I know it doesn’t need to really be there. Let me try to explain.
We ask ourselves where has the time gone in a myriad of ways and for varying reasons. How is it that you’ve lost 3 hours during your day when a deadline is fast approaching? How is it that you’ve only just realized that you have 2 days left to purchase a gift, etc etc. you get the point. So how is it I ended up here? Today, July 24th, 2014. Where has the time gone.
It feels like only yesterday I was 25, I often found myself saying “I may be 28, 32, 35, 39 but I still feel like I’m 25” People tend to think it’s just a way for me not to feel the angst of getting older. Being 39, slightly single, with no children often makes other people uncomfortable. Not me, but they are uncomfortable for me. Why on earth is that the case? I’ve resigned to the fact that I will never know. But my reasoning for not feeling older than 25 has nothing to do with the fact that I am currently 39 and pushing 40, or as I jokingly say ~ pushing 40 away~ I don’t feel older than 25 because in the tiny subconscious of my mind, I feel that my life stopped at 25.
Whoa you’re probably saying to yourself wtf is she talking about, how can ones life stop at a certain age unless they have died? We all move on and life goes on and well that’s just what happens, deal with it like the rest of us.
But for me it’s different. That’s when I had my accident. The accident. I’m not quite ready to discuss that particular moment in my life yet because it’s a doozie, but it holds such a huge weight and casts such an immense shadow on my daily life that I feel it has consumed me much like an unwanted parasite consumes it’s host. Gross explanation, I’m sorry for that, yet I’m not sorry because that is how it has made/makes me feel sometimes. It, the accident, has taken such a long hard toll on my life, although I am extremely grateful for it not being worse, it still has an influential impact upon me.
So as I sit here, trying to embrace my newly rekindled spark to start writing again, I say How did I get here? Where has all the time gone? The answer, although not so easy to embrace,
“It was there all along slowly going by,
but you my dear were stuck somewhere
where you didn’t belong.
Instead of flowing with it, you got trapped along the path.
It’s about time you caught up”
Those are my Random Musings and Wanderlust for today 🙂